#but now that I'm thinking about it I can be proactively thinking about when to bring more yellow back in

[indecisiveavocado]

using this to show goyim the kind of stuff jews face

brief note: for quotes, some were replying to other users. Because I do not want them to be harassed, I have removed their name when it appears, and if that bothers you, you are welcome to make a world where I don't need to worry about that. I have also generally not mentioned the name of the antisemites, although in some cases I have, generally if the rhetoric was ridiculously antisemitic and/or I considered it worth flagging so Jews would know they should probably block that user.

further brief note: trigger warnings obviously apply here.

even briefer note: this is a long post

These are actual quotes, by the way.

ACTUAL GODDAMN QUOTES

For reference, here is my post in its entirety:

why are jews skeptical of antizionism? a guide for gentiles I'd be ok with the notion Israel wasn't needed if y'all could be trusted not to fuck it up when Jews needed somewhere to flee. But last time (to put it politely) you fucked it up real bad, and six million Jews died. Fundamentally, antizionism is asking Jews to put our lives in the hands of the same people who saw us screaming for help, who knew that death awaited us, and did all of nothing. Nada. Nil. (As demonstrated by the recent Amsterdam pogrom, Israel is totally ok and often proactive in flying Jews out. Around the same time as Palestinians were being exiled, Jews from all over the Arab world were being driven out in similar numbers. The reason you don't hear about that refugee crisis? Israel accepted them, without complaint or delay or objection, just urgency.) Pardon us for being a bit skeptical of your assertions that it won't happen again when a constant theme throughout our history has been it happening again. This is a slightly modified form of an older, longer, post's tags/tldr.

and the tags:

jumblr, jewish, jewblr, antisemitism, judaism, israel, jewish tumblr, tw antisemitism, anti zionism, shoah mention, tw shoah, amsterdam, amsterdam pogrom, jewish history.

Nothing horribly unreasonable. I made no comments on Gaza. I said I supported the existence of the state of Israel, which is different from supporting its policies. Regardless of what China does to Uyghurs, Uyghurs can and should not take over all of China. You would not be able to reasonably make an inference on my support, or lack thereof, for Israel's conduct in Gaza.

Here are some of the replies in the chat. Bolding is mine.

Israel only exists because the us gave asylum, ended the war and created israel. To turn around and say they did nothing is a gross mistelling of history but i get it, youre jewish. Rewriting history to glorify yourself and demonize everyone else is the cornerstone of your culture

“Pogrom” 🙄 so fucking disrespectful to the actual casualties of historical pogroms around the world. Your football fans couldn’t handle not being racist for five minutes. That shit may fly in Israel but not in Europe. [from a non Jew, seemingly; by the way, the pogrom, which has been widely called such by Jews and was called "reminiscent of a pogrom" by Deborah Lipstadt, current US Special Envoy to Combat Antisemitism, was premediated, before any of that happened, and as I've said before, even if someone is wearing a Trump 2024 shirt and jabbers about woke threats to the country, that is not an excuse to throw them in an almost-freezing river and not let them out until they say "Harris Walz 2024!"]

Why don't you look at your fucking religion for the foot if your problems and you think that you are now safe in occupied Palestine? We are going to sweep you back like garbage. Hi and get your revenge from those who turned you into soap [note that later they say they're Semitic. Those who turned us into soap were European. They're not the same. Unless they're saying Palestinians were Nazis...?]

I'm actually saying the username here, because Jews should immediately put them on their blocklist: michmanbiker. Also from Michmanbiker after I called them antisemitic:

Anti Jewish!!!! I am Semite [sic] and 99 % of Jews are slav mongrels. So cut the bullshit

[I should note here that:

Regardless of its original meaning, antisemitic now means anti-Jewish. It's like how "slave" was originally a synonym of Slav, but you'd be laughed out of the room if you referred to them as synonyms today.

Most Israelis are not Ashkenazi--from central/Eastern Europe, where Slavs live. Most of them are Sephardim -- from Spain, generally living in the Middle East for centuries before being driven out due to an outbreak of antisemitism following the foundation of the State of Israel

Both Sephardim and Ashkenazim are recognizably Middle Eastern genetically

Considering the historical situation in which Jews lived - frequently killed, dispersed as slaves, et cetera - and Judaism frowning on intermarriage and having few converts, it is reasonable to assume that a fair portion of that ancestry is from rape. It's also worth flagging that traditionally Jewish status is passed on from the mother, because the Romans raped so many Jewish women that the rabbis changed it, and there has been a whole book written about gendered violence [read: sexual violence] in the pogroms, as well as one about sexual violence in the Holocaust. This is effectively blaming Jews for being raped.]

One user said the following about Israel:

I go into youre property and say i want the half of it

This superficially sounds reasonable. As I replied, it is not:

No. Two people are living in a region. One is lesser in number because they were *forcibly exiled as slaves*. A neutral group draws up a plan for two states. One group accepts it. The other group, aided by every other country around them, rejects it and attempts to destroy the other group. Miraculously, the smaller group not only survives, but takes some land. (It also loses some - Jews were expelled from the Jewish Quarter of Jerusalem following the first war).

From thegreatkhan, who I am again naming because they seem fairly active and at first glance reasonably innocuous in name and description:

How about you stop playing victim and just admit that the world is fucking tired of Israel atrocities?

I replied,

you realize that it's not inherent to a state of Israel? Zionism does not imply being a supporter of every action of Israel. It means being a supporter of the fact that Israel gets to exist. It's like confusing "Americanism" (to coin a phrase), which properly refers to "yes, the United States of America gets to exist" with "from 2017-early 2021 you supported every single action taken by the US government!!!". Or, for you (since you're Spanish), confusing thinking that Spain as a country should exist with supporting the Spanish Inquisition.

Instead of engaging with this, he repeated the precise same thing.

And

Isrelies are not a fucking marginalized community. If they were a marginalized community they would not be getting billions in help from the United States. [note that he's conflating Israel with Jews]

Considering your [not mine; this was in a reply to another user] post about the dropout apology, I don't care much about whatever you have to say. Israel is committing genocide, and supporting the existence of Israel in any way shape or form is the same as supporting said genocide. [So if I think Myanmar should not have been colonized by the British, I'm supporting the Rohingya genocide?] If people believe that the land of Israel belongs to them for some kind of special gift or god [that's not why I said it should exist - I am agnostic] then that's their problem. Nobody is special, and there's no excuse to go around stealing houses and land then claiming you are the victim. I desire the worst for anyone that supports Israel, whatever their background. [I have yet to see any examples of thegreatkhan harassing Evangelical Christian users, who are generally also pro-Israel. If that's false, I welcome corrections. But when you only harass Jews, instead of the much, much, larger Evangelical Christian segment of Zionism, it comes off as sketchy]

Michmanbiker drops in:

Jews are not a race they are a religion [we're both, it's called an ethnoreligion, it's fascinating!], a filthy one at that, 99% of Jews don't have one drop of Semite blood in their veins. The whole premise for that abhorrent thing you call Israel is based on a lie. Everything Jewish is a lie including Jews being Jews as you are all sons and daughters of Shikshas. Your common traits are cowardly, evil meek and weak. I guess that makes you a people.

Switching back to thegreatkhan's better concealed antisemitism (michmanbiker is actually fairly weird, their rhetoric is closer to rightwing antisemitism, but they are clearly left-wing. Evidence in support of the horseshoe theory):

How about you isrelies stop committing genocide? It's a pet peeve of mine, sorry.

This is my response:

I...I'm not Israeli. I've never even been to Israel. The only way for you to infer that I'm Israeli from this post is to have a) not looked at my profile, where I say I am a Pittsburgher, and you may not realize this but PITTSBURGH IS NOT IN ISRAEL, which is in itself ok, and b) assumed that everyone Jewish [or Zionist, I forgot to mention that] is Israeli. I have no more ability to influence Bibi than you do. I am not a citizen of Israel and, despite y'all, I am not planning on becoming one soon. I have never been to Palestine. I don't see how I could possibly be committing genocide. Oh, that's right! You equate all Jews with Israelis! Gee, that's not antisemitic. Hey, while we're doing this - how the hell do you justify supporting the Spanish Inquisition, which you clearly do, since you're Spanish [it's in his profile]? How about Spanish colonization? What do you think of Columbus's genocidal actions? Very hypocritical of you to support genocide (what do you think Columbus did, what are you, brainwashed) when it's the Spanish doing it, but hate it when it's the Jews. Spain shouldn't exist, it should all be given to the Basques. All Spanish people (except for the Basques of course) are devils (hey, you called Israelis that [no, I'm not joking, I wish I was joking], it's not like genocide is any less bad when it's in the past)! Oh and by the way I'm not anti-Spanish cause ACKSHULLY Spanish can also refer to Basques and I'm pro-Basque."

thegreatkhan completely missed the point and replied

I actually left Spain years ago [so you were there, which means my extremeness was slightly more justified than yours], and never looked back, and I'm working hard, (through legal means, and not just arriving at a new place and throwing someone out of their house like isrelies do [Tel Aviv was founded legally, most of them were founded legally, after purchasing land, and this was after we had been thrown out of our house - right of return, anyone?]) to bring my dad over. I'm a Spanish republican, and andalucian. I do believe that Basque country should be independent [christ, it was an example!], same as many of other Spanish counties that have been for centuries treated like shit by the central fascist government of franco. Unlike isrelies, i actually work hard to put my money where my mouth is, but I can't expect a tribe of child killers and rapists to comprehend that.

(The child killer argument, by the way, was frequently used to justify violence against Jews in the MIddle Ages. Worth flagging.)

All of this on a post that mentioned supporting the existence of a country. For no other country are supporting the country's existence and actions conflated. If someone says that they don't think Russia should be invaded and taken over by Finland, we don't accuse them of supporting Putin and genocide in Ukraine. If someone says that they don't think Eritrea should be invaded by Ethiopia, we don't accuse them of supporting what's been called the African North Korea. If someone says Afghanistan shouldn't be taken over by Pakistan, we don't accuse them of supporting the Taliban. If someone says why they don't support the British taking over Myanmar (again), we don't accuse them of supporting the Rohingya genocide. If someone says they don't think France should recolonize Mauritania, we don't accuse them of supporting slavery (Mauritania being the last country to outlaw slavery, in the 1980s, and, according to some estimates, a fifth of their population is enslaved). If they don't think the UK should conquer Iran, we don't accuse them of supporting sharia law and despising women. If they say Turkey shouldn't take over Saudi Arabia, we don't accuse them of hating women.

In fact, in many of those cases, it doesn't come up. It's accepted: of course Tibetans shouldn't run China, of course Russia has a right to exist, even if it commits atrocities.

All of those countries I listed--Russia, China, Eritrea, Afghanistan, Myanmar, Mauritania, Iran, Saudi Arabia--are committing human rights abuses, sometimes genocide. But you still don't need to explain why China and Myanmar deserve to exist.

[bluberimufim]

My brain keeps telling me to rewrite "Black and White" as one of those novels that are more like a collection of documents (whatever tf it's called) and I'm like!! Bestie, writing a novel as a series of documents is exactly what made me write the second draft as third person in the first place!!!!

(ok technically it was just Darius's normal POV + Diedrich's diary for some reason, but still!!)

[blujayonthewing]

I was trying out variations on colorways for aubree's outfit and, with a few of them, realized that her outfit has trended slightly less colorful over time, and specifically less yellow (originally a green and yellow striped vest, then a green vest over a yellow short sleeved shirt, and now possibly a white shirt and green vest, with only small amounts of yellow embroidery). this wasn't intentional, but nonetheless, the concept that, as the adventure has worn on, she's outwardly losing color-- and specifically in favor of browns and whites, the colors associated with the halfling god of death-- is compelling to me. I mean, I suppose if I had been doing it on purpose, the shadowfell arc immediately following our literal deaths and mysterious rebirths would have been a really good time for the most muted palette... but, then again, aubree was still relatively fresh then, confused and traumatized but also still powerfully and stubbornly alive where it counts; vibrant, burning, shining light into dark corners just by existing. but the more we learn, the heavier things weigh, the fewer outlets she has, the less she feels like she can relate to the people who should understand better than anyone... she's still righteous and angry, but she's also just... sad, and tired, and growing more tired the more she feels like she has to keep herself together for everyone else. and gradually, quietly, her colors are washing out.

[boyapologist]

anyways I did a cwb - cgh - cwb flight today and now I have a day off

[gyeomsweetgyeom]

when the fratboy falls

fratboy!Jaehyun x tutor!reader

summary: Jaehyun is a fratboy with a notorious reputation for being a playboy, you have never heard of him. surely, he can use tutoring as an excuse to get close to you, right?

word count: 8.9k

warnings: swearing, fuckboy behavior, mentions of alcohol and weed, characters consuming alcohol, based on ages in this fic- underage drinking, mentions of sexual acts, a very brief scenario where a non-nct-fratboy verbally harasses/drunkenly flirts, confusing ages/age changes between members (just don't think about it :)), Americanized college described (I'm American), pet names (sweetie, sweets, sweeteart) in order to avoid using y/n, uhhh I think that's it, lmk if I missed anything!

a/n: oh my god this feels like it's been a long time coming, I hope you all enjoy the origins of Jaehyun and Sweetheart and grow to love them even more! Feedback is appreciated! 

This fic is a part of my fratboy!jaehyun universe but can be read as a stand alone fic! (it’s the origin story)

dividers from plutism <3

taglist! @luv4jeno @vvx3 @mmjhh1998 @bluedbliss @soheendo

@lovesuhng @i4kt @johnjaesblog @sunghoonsgfreal @leemoonna

@cbgisland @yowmaman @cryingforjae @nanaissour @kongjjen

You should be in a club right now, you and all your friends should be getting drinks bought for you in the flashing neon lights of a crowded room. You should be dancing like the girls in all the college movies with your hands up, tangled in your own hair, and dancing to the beat of the music pulsing through the room. 

But you weren’t there! You were stuck in the godforsaken library being proactive by studying for your staggered midterms starting in two weeks. You hated your professors for giving horribly detailed study guides that actually required you to work on them this early on. It was as if they had all conspired to make them as detailed and long as possible and to make them span two weeks.

Your eyes were burning from staring at the screen in front of you, the books laid out around you had barely been touched since you found the information you needed, and your pencil was lost somewhere in the pages of your notebook where you had been taking notes. Right now, your fingers were itching to grab your phone and scroll through some sort of entertainment, but you knew you couldn’t. 

You’d been doing so well studying for a good- wow, almost 3 hours, until the rowdiest group of guys came in and started making this experience even worse for you. They’d come in about half an hour ago and had been the worst examples of library goers since they took their seats two tables away from you. 

“Those guys are such a pain in the ass,” your roommate, Ari, mumbled under her breath.

Your friend, Kira, shot a look in their direction and immediately rolled her eyes, “Frat guys, Nu Chi. I’m not surprised.”

You peeked over at the group of guys catching the Greek letters on various pieces of clothing worn within the group. The ‘ΝΧΤ’ was was patched onto some hats, hoodies, and t-shirts- the bright green of the letters made it easier to see. You trailed your eyes over the guys in the group. Some look like they’d just woken up, one was asleep, another two were actually studying, and one was looking right at you. 

Your eyes widened in surprise, you hadn’t meant to get caught staring. His handsome face fell into a smirk as you saw his eyes trail you up and down. Your face got hot and you snapped your head back to the half undone study guide on your screen. Fuck, fuck, fuck. How embarrassing!

Jaehyun smirked at your embarrassed state, biting his lip as he stared at your panicked return to your studying. Thank you Taeyong for getting this table. You were cute, messy hair, comfy looking sweater, and tired eyes. He liked cute. 

You tried as hard as you could to focus on the study guide in front of you but the heat of this guy’s gaze was distracting you. You peeked up again, catching his eye and feeling your face get warm once again when his right eye dropped in a wink.

You looked away quickly, facing your friends and covering your mouth from his view, “don’t be obvious, but one of those frat guys has been staring at me for the past 10 minutes.”

Both their heads turned at the same time, catching sight of the guy. Ari’s eyes widened as her head snapped back to you, “that’s Jung Jaehyun, bitch!”

You stared at her like she’d grown another head, “does he play sports or something? Am I supposed to know who he is?”

“He’s just one of the hottest guys at this university. My roommate knows like four girls who have slept with him and not a single one of them complained. Apparently, he’s pretty good in bed. You should get on it,” Kira explains in a conspiratorial whisper.

“Don’t be gross, I don't want to be another notch in his bedpost or name on his roster. I’m not like that,” you sigh as you begin closing up the books spread around you on the table. 

“I know, I’m just saying it could be fun for you. Don’t let him use you, you use him,” Kira offers with a smug smile.

You chuckle, gathering your things, “whatever, I’m going back to the dorm. If I read another word my brain will melt into mush. I’ll see you guys later.”

You stood from the table, your arms full of the books you’d borrowed so you could take them back to the front desk. You heard a chair scrape against the floor as you left your area and passed by tables of scattered peers also studying or at least attempting to study.

“Here, let me help you with those,” a deep voice came from behind you.

You stopped, turning your head to see that it was Jaehyun, the guy from the table. “Oh, it’s alright. Thank you though,” you smiled politely while continuing your journey to the librarian’s desk.

“Hey, child development books. Now that I think about it your pretty face did look familiar. Do you you take it with Professor G on Tuesdays and Thursdays at 2? I’m Jung Jaehyun,” He explained as he walked with you. Clearly, he wasn't at all put off by you dismissing him.

“That class has like 200 people, how would you recognize me?” You asked Jaehyun, sending the librarian a kind smile in thanks before telling him your own name as you walked toward the doors of the library.

Jaehyun walked with you, holding the door open for you, “I never forget a pretty face. But hey, listen, I gotta say I’ve been struggling quite a bit with all the materials we need to know for the midterm. You always answer questions and Professor G compliments your work, would you be down to help me study? Like a tutor?”

You came to a stop at the bottom of the stairs outside the library. You bit the inside of your lip, contemplating whether or not you should help him. On one hand, you really understood the material and you would be more than capable enough to help him, and you had some time. On the other hand, did he really need help studying or was this one of his methods for getting you alone so he could work his charm to get you in his bed? “You don’t even know me, I’m sure there’s someone you know in the class that can help you.”

Jaehyun’s mouth opens quickly, “But I know you know the materials. Come on, please.”

You shook your head, he was cute, you had the time to help him, but your pride was getting in your way. 

He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. Any other girl would have jumped at the opportunity to spend time with him, time alone with him. You were different, making him work for it. And he knew you wanted him. He saw the way you’d been checking him out. He looked at the trees, his eyes brightening as an idea hit him, “how about this. If you help tutor me, I’ll let you and your friends in to every Nu Chi party for free for the rest of the semester.”

You hummed, that was a pretty good offer, “but I’ve never even been to any of your parties. We’re not usually the party type.”

Geez you were making this almost impossible for him, “fine. You and your friends can still get into the rest of the parties for free and I’ll connect you with some of my older frat brothers who can help you with any other class you need help with.”

You hummed, that was a pretty good offer, “Do you have a math guy? I really need help in stats.”

Jaehyun, let out a quiet breath of relief, “Yeah, Doyoung is a computer science major or something. Even if he’s not, he’s a genius and there’s about 4 other guys who could help you. We’re not all idiots, you know?”

“Just you?” You smile at him teasingly. 

He chuckles deeply, “yeah, just me. So yes? You’ll help me.”

“Fine,” you drag out playfully, “I can find you on instagram to set up the meeting?”

He nods handing his phone to you so you can follow yourself. You hand his phone back to him, “I guess I’ll talk to you soon.”

The next time you see Jaehyun is at 9:48 on the following Saturday. You’ve been sitting in a study room nervously adjusting and readjusting the position of your laptop, then your notebook, then your pencil. Your coffee sits untouched beside your phone, face up to see if, and really when, Jaehyun will decide to message you and cancel. The session was supposed to start at 9:30, but there had been very few people walking through the door. None of which were Jaehyun.

You’d decided you would give him 10 more minutes and then you’d leave. You had better ways to be spending a Saturday than waiting in a study room alone like a mega loser for some guy you barely knew. A guy that was just trying to get in your pants no doubt.

With 2 minutes left you began to pack up your things. You knew it was too good to be true. Why had you even begun to think he was actually interested in studying? With the way he’d been undressing you with his eyes, there was no way he wanted to actually study with you. You were such an idiot! He was probably fast asleep, hung over, in his bed with a poor girl he’d managed to trick into sleeping with him. If you could even calling it tricking her- he was actually a good looking guy, charming, likable, and persuasive. Ugh! Why were you thinking about him like that?! 

You closed your laptop and slid your chair out, reaching for your bag when finally the door to the study room opened.

There stood Jung Jaehyun, red cheeked, tired looking, and out of breath, “I slept through my alarm. I’m hungover as a motherfucker right now, but I’m here. Did you just get here?”

You were frozen, “I’ve been waiting for almost 20 minutes. I was packing up to leave.”

“How are you not hungover? Last night was a major rager.”

“I didn’t go to the party,” You told him quietly, almost shyly. You pulled your laptop out again and pulled up the necessary tabs for the material for today.

Jaehyun stared at you confused, a slight hint of wonder, and another hint of admiration. “But I gave you free entry for the rest of the semester. You and your friends. I can think of something else to make this more worth your while.”

You deadpanned, “I’m not sleeping with you Jung Jaehyun, have some respect. I’m doing you a favor.”

Jaehyun flushed, his mouth falling open silently. He shook his head quickly, almost in worry, “that’s not what I meant. God, I’m sorry. I just meant that since you are doing me a favor and you haven’t exactly used any of what I offered to your advantage, maybe you’d want something else more your style. You can still have access to my smart bros, but maybe you want some food instead of the parties? A couple of the ladies in the dining hall love me and they give me food for free. I can pass that along if you want.”

You bit your lip, contemplating your answer, “It’s fine, the parties seem cool. I mean- I’ve never been to one, but I didn’t want to leave the wrong impression showing up hungover.”

Jaehyun flushed, suddenly very interested in the screen in front of him, he was embarrassed. Of course he made a bad second impression. He was the idiot that showed up hungover! “Should we get started?” he asked. It was clear you cared about school or at least doing well and wanted to make a good impression even when he was obviously thinking with his dick. Now, he felt like a total dick.

You nodded and began explaining what you had planned for this session. You had planned for the two of you would complete part 1 of the study guide, only a handful of questions and you’d review the slides used by the professor to help Jaehyun with anything he had trouble with. 

Jaehyun began to zone out after the third level of the hierarchy of needs. His eyes were zeroed in on the plastic cup on the opposite side of the table. The writing was mess but he could make out the order, a chai latte, oatmilk, a double shot of espresso, and 3 pumps of caramel syrup over ice. He’d never had a chai latte but it sounded really good. He wondered if the ice had melted own and ruined the coffee from making you wait so long. He did feel bad about that. He really didn’t mean to oversleep. He was proactive, he’d set an alarm for 9 o’clock, just enough time to shower, throw up, and walk to campus to meet you in the library. But at some point in the party last night someone had offered him a shot and as Social Chair, he couldn’t refuse. Well, he could, but he wasn’t known to unless it was his weekend to be sober and it wasn’t. Nu Chi Tau had a reputation to uphold, a reputation he upheld with pride. 

“So in the final level of the pyramid we have self-actualization, what this means is…” he heard you say, then he got distracted again. This time by you. The way your mouth moved to form the words, your lips looked soft, he wondered what kind of lip balm you used, what flavor it was, did they taste like that chai latte- WHAT?! Who was this voice invading his head?! What was this about unity and understanding you were saying?

He tuned into what you were saying, again, hoping his brain would allow him to stay focused, “since this is the highest level, not a whole lot of people ever get here. On the study guide make sure you add a note about only 2% of people ever reaching this level. I wouldn’t put it past Professor G to ask a question like that on the midterm.”

Jaehyun’s pencil scratched against a loose sheet of paper you’d let him have. “This is probably a really bad time to tell you I also forgot my laptop. Do you mind if I use yours, next time I’ll bring it. I promise.”

You sighed deeply, sending him a light-hearted glare, “Here. Let me know if you need help answering any of the questions. Let’s try to have part 1 done before we meet next time, some time during the week, if that works for you?”

“Yeah, maybe we can do Thursday before class and then we’ll see each other on Friday at the party?” Jaehyun asked, trying to sound as nonchalant as he could.

You bit your lip, mulling over his offer. His stare was intense, he was mentally crossing his fingers that you’d say yes. And god, why did you look so cute biting your lip?!

“Hey, I’ll be your personal host for the night. You obviously won’t have to drink if you don’t want to, I know all the areas that have more free space if you get overwhelmed, and I will see to it that you get back to your room safely. I promise you’ll have a safe and good night. That’s a Nu Chi Social Chair guarantee,” he pledged, complete with a hand over his heart.

You rolled your eyes, he was such a dork. “Fine, but don’t show up late to the next study session or else I'm dropping you. You can fail for all I care.”

Jaehyun feels his heart skip a beat, not only would he fail the class without your help, he’d also fail you and for some reason that sounded worse. He was definitely going to show up on time.

True to his word he’d even gone as far as showing up early on Thursday. He had completed part 1 of the study guide, and even flagged some areas he needed help with. You had been thoroughly impressed, even a little surprised. So to keep your part of the bargain you were standing outside the Nu Chi frat house with Ari and Kira. The party was already in full swing. The music was so loud that you felt the bass beneath your feet on the road across the street. 

“Finally! I’ve been waiting for this since our first semester to come to one of these parties!” Ari clapped excitedly.

You turned to stare at her with a look of pure confusion, “you did. Literally the first weekend here at school. You came to the dorm that night and told me you had no interest in men after a man gave you the ‘amateur DJ special,’ but you kissed a girl after and claimed to have fallen in love.”

“So I came out to you twice? Why didn’t you tell me?” She asked in shock.

Kira groaned, “both of you shut up. Let’s go.” She grabbed your arm and led you and Ari into the chaos.

Upon entering, a wave of musky funk hit your nostrils. A nasty concoction of weed, alcohol, sweat, beer, and BO. There were people cheering in the center of the hallway playing beer pong, a crowd of people grinding in the living room to r&b music, the sliding door to the back yard was open and showed people doing keg stands before flipping into the pool. This was just above and beyond. Every other frat party in town had crowded living rooms with beer being sloshed around in plastic cups, but this was a full on experience. It was as if they had seen every college movie with parties and brought them to life. You might never admit it, but you were even a little impressed.

You all moved through the bodies to the kitchen to get yourself some drinks and you looked around to observe those around you. The kitchen was strangely more empty than you thought it would be, but the party had been going on for almost 2 hours so maybe people were already too drunk to care about getting more alcohol. There was a couple making out in one corner, a group of girls sipping on seltzers all gathered around a phone, and a few drunk people snacking on some chips.

You sipped on your drink, not even noticing that someone new had taken stance beside you, “hey, I’ve never seen you around here before. You a freshman?”

Your face turned into one of poorly-concealed judgement while you studied him. He looked like a freshman himself, probably fresh out of the womb. He had cute chubby cheeks, wide eyes, and a shaggy hairstyle that made him look younger than he likely was. You laughed as you thought about his tacky line and turned to him with raised brows, “I’m in the middle of my fourth semester here. Are you a freshman? You look like you just left 8th grade, little guy.”

He scoffed, huffed, and rolled his eyes, “I’m in my second semester, I’m not some first semester loser. I’m not some kid. I’m actually almost 19. In 3 weeks.”

“Congrats,” you chuckle, taking a sip of your drink, “what’s your name?”

He flips his hair back with some weird swagger taking over him, “I’m Haechan, I hold the Nu Chi record for longest bender. Six whole days.”

Your eyes widen in shock and you almost choke on your drink, “that can’t have been healthy.”

Another guy stands beside Haechan with a can of beer in his hand, “it wasn’t. He also spent ‘six whole days’ in the hospital right after. You can’t keep bragging about it without providing more context. Normal people get concerned, not impressed, bro.”

“God! Mark! You kill the vibe every time I try to make my move!” Haechan yells before turning to you and speaking softly, “you should come to my birthday party.” 

The two continue bickering and you make your way back to your friends to refill your cup. An unfamiliar arm slings around your and Ari’s shoulders. You had expected it to be Haechan, a harmless kid, or Jaehyun who you knew and had promised to be your guide, but instead it was another guy completely. He smelled awful, a sick mix of weed, sweat, and Axe body spray. 

His words were slurred and he was clearly using you and Ari to stay upright, “Ladies, what brings you beauties to this shitty party? You know, Alpha Sig throws better parties, we got one goin’ on tomorrow night. You ladies should come by. You’ll get front of the line access, especially you.” He tugs Ari closer to him.

Ari cringes and tries to pull away from his hold, “you have no idea how much that turned me off. Go away, you smell like a preteen boy.”

“I can be your boy,” he slurs, his hot breath hitting her face. She wretches and dry heaves with the scent of his breath.

“Tyler, what the fuck are you doing here? You know you’re fucking banned. Get your ass out of here, and take any of your brothers that snuck in with you,” you hear Jaehyun’s voice. It’s surprisingly loud and stern. He speaks with confidence and command and you hate that it makes you question how you see him. He was just hot before but now he’s even more attractive, protective, and strong. Shit, what was in this drink?

You feel a sense of relief at the sound of the familiar voice. Tyler turns and begins arguing, his words barely comprehensible before a taller guy in a Nu Chi Theta shirt drags him out of the house. 

Once he’s out of sight Jaehyun turns to your small group with a much more relaxed voice, “I’ve been looking for you girls all night. Come out back, it’s way more chill. I had a pledge in charge of keeping an eye out for you, sorry he sucks.”

You all follow him out of the crowded house to the backyard and past the keg stands and to a small circle of benches where it is way calmer. These must be the older members of the frat hang out. Jaehyun smiles and introduces his brothers and they all apologize for Tyler’s behavior. 

Taeyong the frat president and Jaehyun’s Big, Johnny the Vice President, Doyoung the secretary, and Yuta the treasurer, which he was quickly explained he was forced to take up the role.

“I swear, the pledges get more and more useless every semester. The last good set was Mark and Haechan,” the one who had been introduced as Taeyong sighed.

Jaehyun goes to argue after rolling his eyes, but your snort interrupts him. Jaehyun turns to you as if to ask what was up. You shake your head, “Haechan tried to hit on me in the kitchen. Then Mark came in and they started arguing,” you explain.

Jaehyun laughs with a nod, taking a sip from his drink, “sounds like them.”

You all make conversation for a couple hours, laughing and getting to know each other. They share crazy party stories, embarrass each other with the occasional scolding to party-goers who are getting too rowdy out back or inside. They complain about their classes and upcoming finals, and in turn you and your friends complain about your own. You’re even able to make some connections for help with stats like you needed or the opportunity to look at some other member’s notes from similar classes. 

Yuta turns to you with a look of realization on his face, “hey, were you in the library about a week ago?” You nod and he continues with a smug smile, “you know, you’re like a living legend around here. You really knocked Jaehyun down a peg, first girl to ever not fall for his charm. Now, he’s actually studying. It’s amazing!”

You don’t see it because Ari suddenly falls from the bench, but Jaehyun punches Yuta’s shoulder with bright red cheeks. You and Kira help Ari up and begin saying your goodbyes, promising Yuta that you want to continue the conversation.

Jaehyun follows you guys out. He opens up the side gate and takes the brunt of Ari’s weight while you all walk back to your dorm building, which thankfully isn’t far. 

Ari nearly stumbles into a bush outside your building and plays it off with a, “I was getting you your favorite flowers, sweetie!” She pushes a crumpled pink azalea flower into you palm and you thank her while getting her upright and steady.

You and Jaehyun walk her into the lobby and from there Kira leads Ari into the elevator and she sends you a tipsy wink which is impossible to ignore. 

You flush with embarrassment, shes’s so obvious. “Thanks for walking us home, but you didn’t have to do that. You have a party to return to, Mister Social Chair. There’s probably some girl you had your eye on tonight, you could have missed your chance.”

“It was my sober weekend anyway and I promised to be your guide. No one else but you held my attention tonight,” he shrugs, “I just hope Tyler didn’t discourage you from coming to any future parties. Or even Yuta.”

“I got a personal invite to Haechan’s nasty 19. Plus, I think the brothers of Nu Chi would love to have a living legend in attendance, I’ll be there,” you smile while tucking the crumpled up flower behind your ear to distract yourself from his offhand admission of you holding his attention

Jaehyun feels his heart beat a little faster. It had to be the single beer he had earlier, or were crumpled up flowers always this pretty on girls who teased him? Was it the flower or could it be your teasing? He blinked a few times, forcing his brain to work for one of its intended purposes- speaking. “That one will be smaller. I’m not sure about calmer, but smaller for sure. Before that though, we have a couple more study sessions right?” He asks, changing the subject.

“Yeah, we need to finish off parts 2 and 3 of the study guide. The midterm is two Thursdays away, so let’s try to meet this Tuesday after class.”

“Aye, aye, Captain. I’ll have notes and everything.” He salutes you like a dork. 

You snort out a laugh, which he automatically files stores as a sound he likes hearing and wants to hear again. “I’ll see you in class.” 

He leaves with a wave and his hands shoved in his pockets. He walked back with a nice pep in his step. The stars looked brighter, he felt a giddiness he hadn’t felt in years. It was weird, but he liked it. He wanted to feel it more often. When he got to the party, he went right back to his room, alone, ready to bask in his new, light feeling. He liked this feeling, he wanted to feel it all the time.

You enter your room to find Ari passed out on the floor under a blanket from your bed and Kira happily cuddled up in her bed. You send Kira a raised brow, “your room isn’t even that far away.”

“Hey, I worked hard to get her here. I deserve this,” she huffs, setting her phone aside before she sends you a mischievous grin, “you and Jaehyun, huh?”

“Kira, I’m tutoring him. That’s all,” you sass back while changing into your pajamas.

She huffs out a humorless laugh, “sure, because Jung Jaehyun walks girls back to their dorms all the time.”

“He’s a frat boy but he’s not an asshole. We don’t even know he’s never done that before. You’re starting shit, Drunk Kira.”

“All I’m saying is, everyone else has gotten an Uber home or a pledge to walk them home. He didn’t even sleep with you and you got a personal escort while a party was still going on.”

You pull the sheets over your head, hating how you’re already over thinking an action that should be the bare minimum. She laughs drunkenly and you’re glad she can’t see the blush she’s put on your cheeks.

On Tuesday, you get to class before Jaehyun, like usual. You won’t admit you’re now keeping an eye out for him… but you are. You place your phone on the desk and pull your notebook out of you backpack and open to where your notes left off. 

Someone takes the seat right beside you as your brows furrow, watching a dried azalea flutter out onto the floor from your notebook. 

“Wow, another one. Ari wasn’t kidding when she said there were your favorites,” you head Jaehyun’s voice as he places the flower back on your desk.

Your face still shows confusion, reading the pink glittery note from Ari in your notebook. ‘Sorry for making you drag my drunk ass back home :( forgive me sweetie’. You chuckle, “Ari’s version of an apology. Sorry, hi. Do you always sit in this row?”

“Hell no, I usually slip in about 30 minutes late and find a spot in the back. Today, I’m hoping that your smartness radiates off you and I absorb it. In other words, whenever you copy notes, I’m going to copy notes,” he ultimately simplifies.

“Geez, no wonder you need tutoring for this class. Do you have a paper? Pencil? Laptop? Something to take notes?”

“I’m not dumb,” he states, pulling out a singular sheet of paper and a pen with no cap. God, he probably has nothing but those 2 things and a protein bar with his laptop in his backpack right now. He’s like a kindergartner. All you can do is sigh before Professor G starts going through the slides of the day and lecturing. You can see him from the corner of your eye writing when you writing and fiddling with his pen, twirling it through his fingers. You try to suppress a smile, you’re a little proud of him right now. Just a little bit.

After class finishes you both make your way to the library and you force yourself to ignore the looks being thrown your way. In reality no one is really looking at you, more like looking at the infamous campus celebrity following you to the elevators. 

Getting to the study room is easy enough with nearly every girl’s eyes on your study buddy making you feel anxious and self-conscious. Jaehyun doesn't seem to notice though, and goes about getting out his laptop as normal. For the first few minutes of your session you both input new material into the study guides. Then you get into his confusion on the questions.

You begin to explain some ecological something he had flagged and all Jaehyun can think is, “why does child development have so many shapes?”

Your eyes widen in shock, your mouth opening to respond before you burst into a fit of laughter, using your hands to muffle the sound. Jaehyun smiles at the sound, something about you is growing on him, making him feel things he hasn’t felt since his high school girlfriend. Fuck.

You smile, simplifying this theory for him before you calm down. “Can I ask you something?”

He nods, “of course.” He finishes up typing his notes, writing them in the way you explained because you made it so much easier for him to understand. 

“Why are you taking a child development class? This doesn’t really seem like your thing.”

“It fulfills one of my general requirements. My first and second choice were filled up, and Taeyong is an education major. He convinced me to take it, so here I am.”

“So you do have someone else to help you study…” you trail off, “why ask me? Taeyong is probably more knowledgeable about this than I am.”

He clears his throat, looking away from you, “he’s really busy. Making lesson plans and making us act like students.” He doesn’t want to tell you that it was because you were cuter and prettier. That when he first met you he wanted to sleep with you, but now you make him feel feelings he’d buried deep, deep down. Plus, Taeyong was actually very strict when he tutored Jaehyun. He didn’t let Jaehyun get distracted, snapped in his face, corrected all his work too closely. He scared Jaehyun when he was in teacher mode.

“Okay, one more question. So you told us on Friday that you had a pledge keep an eye out for me, Ari, and Kira. How would a pledge know what I looked like?”

Jaehyun blushes, his cheeks feel hot, he starts mumbling, “gave him a general description of you or whatever.”

You lean in, poking his cheek, it’s soft, “you’re lying. Did you make him stalk me or something? Did he stand outside one of my classes? This has been haunting me.”

He laughs at your exaggeration, “haunting you? No, he didn’t stalk you or follow you. I uh, I sent him a screenshot of one of your Instagram posts.”

You tried and failed to suppress a smile, your own face getting hot now, “so you have a picture of me saved on your phone? Which picture did you pick? I have some pictures of me at the beach-”

Jaehyun perks up, “really? I haven’t seen those yet. Are they recent?” He pulls his phone out of his pocket and opens Instagram. 

You snatch his phone from his hand, “don’t make it weird, pervert. I was just starting to like you. Seriously though, which picture was it?”

He shakes his head with a smile, “it was a picture of you with Ari and Kira, so he knew what all of you looked like. Is that a good enough answer? Give me my phone back.” He’s choosing to save you the embarrassment by ignoring the fact that you had just admitted you liked him.

You slide the phone back with your eyes narrowed, assessing him. “Fine. Let’s finish part two, we only have a few questions left.”

When you see him next, it’s one week before the midterm. You’re sitting in your usual seat in the auditorium with your notebook out waiting for Professor G to come in. Ari is texting you about some cute guy she saw. Kira is sending you memes about dogs. Your phone has all your attention.

Jaehyun comes in, five minutes early, making his way down the aisle to the empty seat beside you. He smiles awkwardly and apologetically as people move their backpacks out of the way and send him enamored smiles.

He plops into the seat beside you unceremoniously and loudly. You send him a look that shows him you are far beyond unimpressed by his lack of decorum. Then he sets something on your desk. 

“What is this for?” You ask with your brows raised. 

He shrugs, keeping himself busy by pulling out whatever he needs to take notes. “It’s a flower, sweetheart. Isn’t it obvious?”

“I know what it is, asshole. Why is it on my desk?” You ask bluntly. From anyone else ‘sweetheart’ would be condescending, but you like hearing his voice say it. Ew.

“I was walking to class and it flew in front of my face. I stomped all over it, danced on it, spit on it, and then I thought it would be nice to give to you.” He answers with a casual shrug of his shoulders, his eyes locked on the huge projector screen while everyone waits for the professor to set up the slides.

You push his shoulder playfully, preparing to reply but class starts. He lied again. The flowers don’t fly off anything because the bushes they grow on are too low to the ground. He didn’t stomp on it because it was perfectly in tact. It was round and the color was vibrant with no wilted petals. He had picked it just for you. 

You study him in your peripheral, a soft look on your face which you’re glad he can’t see since he’s busy taking notes. You force yourself to pay attention, tucking the flower behind your ear before catching up on the slides you’d missed.

Jaehyun catches a blur of pink, out of the corner of his eye he can see you tucking the flower behind your ear. He feels himself blush, and suddenly isn’t so mad that he took the long way to class just to find you that flower. They might be his favorite flower now too.

It’s the Tuesday before your child development midterm and Jaehyun is waiting for you in the study room he’s booked. Class was cancelled today, it was the least Professor G could do after giving you all so much material to cover. It was 10:16 and Jaehyun was feeling weird. You were always early or at the very least on time, and you weren’t here yet. He scrolled through your DMs to be sure you had both agreed to meet at ten, and there it was, ‘See you at 10 :)’ 

He was busy typing out a message to you when you came into the room. You were panting, hair a mess, and an oversized, comfy looking sweater, and tired eyes. You looked just like you did the first time Jaehyun saw you and felt his breath hitch in his throat. 

“I’m so sorry I’m late. My 9 o’clock class ran over, because there was a surprise essay addition to the midterm. I didn’t think I was going to take all the time the professor gave us because I studied all night for this midterm and I knew what I was doing, but the essay threw me for a loop. I’m an anxious test take as is so the essay ruined all the calmness I had built up and-” your ramble is cut short. 

Jaehyun places his hands on your shoulders. He squeezes them lightly, “Breathe, sweetheart.” He makes a show of breathing in and out until you nod, showing him you’re fine. 

“Sorry, I feel bad for running late. Are you good? Have you been waiting long?” You ask in a much more relaxed voice.

Jaehyun waves you off with a nonchalant wave of his hand, “I’m good. I only have a few questions for part three so this won’t take up much of your time and you can get back to your place and relax. But now I’m wondering if I should give you this…” He holds up a familiar plastic cup, the contents looking like the perfect shade of brown you hadn’t consumed this morning. Your mouth waters and you reach for the cup, but Jaehyun pulls it out of your reach. “Promise me, the caffeine isn’t going to make you more anxious. I don’t want to be held responsible if you have a panic attack later.”

“Please, Jaehyun,” you whine, “I need coffee.”

He smirks, handing you the cup and watching as you take a drink from the straw eagerly. Your brows furrow in confusion. You expected some vanilla latte, or a caramel coffee of some kind. Instead, you taste your usual order. You taste your iced chai latte with oatmilk, double shot of espresso, and 3 pumps of caramel syrup.

“Did Ari tell you my order?” You ask with pure curiosity.

“I remember your order from our first study session. It’s actually really good.” He tells you casually, taking a long drink from his own straw.

“You remember my order from our first study session almost two weeks ago?” You can feel your heartbeat getting faster, and it’s not the caffeine. 

“I was tired and hungover, and you were talking about the pyramid thing and my brain couldn’t focus. So I focused on your cup instead. Are we studying or what?”

“Alright, yeah. Thank you, for waiting and for the coffee,” you reply.

He smiles at you, a soft smile that some part of your brain interprets as an affectionate smile for some reason, “no problem.”

You both get through the study guide, flipping through notes and making it easier to understand. 

Before you know it, the study session is over and the midterm comes even faster. 

Jaehyun sends you a wink, holding his knuckles out for a fist bump. His voice is a quiet whisper as the rest of the class gets the test and gets started, “you got this, sweetheart.”

You feel your heart soar, you want to get up and do a happy dance. There’s just too much giddiness in our body right now. Instead you settle for, “you too.”

This was supposed to be a smaller party? The music is louder, you can hear people shouting, cheering, and the sound of people jumping in the pool. Now the card you brought feels dumb. You barely know Haechan anyway. Why did you come?

“I can hear your thoughts, sweets. We’re already here, we’re going to have a good time. Let’s go,” Ari tells you. She knows you too well. 

You don’t argue and let her and Kira guide you into the house. It is smaller, it’s less crowded than the first Nu Chi party you came to, but still full. There’s more room to move around the party, it smells less like BO and thankfully, no sign of anyone from Alpha Sig. 

Ari leads you all back to the kitchen, a familiar routine of starting your night with some alcohol. Jungle juice probably. Some kind of mix of alcohol and juices that will give you an awful hangover if you drink enough of it. 

“You came!” A voice screeches before someone embraces you. “I knew, Mark hadn’t ruined my chances. God he’s an idiot, but you came, for me.”

“Get off her, you little weirdo,” you hear Jaehyun before Haechan is pulled off you. Jaehyun holds him by the back of his shirt and Haechan tries to fight it. 

You laugh, reaching in to hug Haechan, he’s a cutie. “You invited us, I also,” you grab the card you’d set on the counter and hand it to him, “got you this.”

“For me?!” His eyes light up.

“It’s just a gift card. I wasn’t sure what you liked but I don’t like to show up on people’s birthdays empty handed. So uh, happy birthday,” you smile awkwardly, leaning in to give him another quick hug.

Jaehyun grunts, pulling Haechan back when he snakes his arms around you for too long. Haechan begins to whine and argue but quiets down when Jaehyun sends him a look of warning. Jaehyun loops an arm around your shoulders, “Ari and Kira are already out back, come on.” 

You let Jaehyun guide you out of the house again, let his arm fall from your shoulders to your waist. You like him being so close, wrapped around you like this. You like him being protective, a little possessive, and shit- you think you might like him. 

The same guys greet you in the same spot as last time. This time, Yuta and Johnny are drunker than the last party. “It’s Sweets!” Johnny cheers and you shoot your friends a blank look. That was a nickname from them, so he’d obviously gotten it from them. A nickname you felt neutral about in your small group since it was kind of cute. You were unsure of its origins but you were almost certain it came from a late night snack run you all made during your first hang out. Everyone got their own snacks that night, but you were the only one to leave with an armload of sweet snacks. 

“It’s nice to see you again. With Jaehyun,” Yuta smiles mischievously. 

Jaehyun’s arm drops from your waist and you miss the warmth it provided, the feeling of security, safety. You take a drink of the cup in your hand, hoping that the alcohol will help distract from the weird empty feeling you suddenly have. You sit beside Kira and join the conversation, letting the stress of midterms leave you while you vent and listen to everyone else rant about the tests, projects, and professors. 

You eventually come to the bottom of your cup and get up, offering to get anyone else a drink too. Taeyong joins you on your way back to the kitchen. You reach for the ladle in the giant bowl of jungle juice, already feeling a slight buzz from your first cup. Taeyong stops and chats with some people on the far side of the kitchen. A group of girls come into the kitchen and begin talking while grabbing beers. 

“I don’t know, it’s kind of weird to be here and not be hit on by him you know? It’s been pretty consistent at every party. Tonight I was going to finally give in,” one girl sighs.

“Girl, I think that ship has sailed. He’s been seen with the same girl for a few weeks now. I tried to hit on him at the last party and he shut me down completely,” her friends responds.

“You’re lying, bitch. Jung Jaehyun tied down? There’s no way!” A third girl exclaims after choking on her drink.

Suddenly you want to choke too. Your throat tightens up and fuck- you’d been so stupid to think that you could be anything special to him. Why would a guy like Jung Jaehyun go after you when he could have anyone else? It’s not like you had ever shown him you were going to give into his flirting, of course he would be done with you now. He asked you to tutor him, you had tutored him and he got what he wanted. It makes sense that he got what he wanted, not the sex, and had someone else that matched him better than you. Why would he have wanted anything deeper than tutoring and maybe friendship with you?

Your hands start to shake and tears fill your eyes making everything hard to see. You leave your cup on the counter and turn to walk out of the kitchen, out of the house, away from him. You want to go home and forget you ever fell for Jaehyun and forget that you were ever stupid enough to think he could actually like you back. Fuck!

You make your way through the living room and out the front door, feeling only a sliver of relief when the fresh air hits your face again. You feel someone grab your wrist and go to pull away, but it’s Taeyong. He looks concerned as he studies your tear filled eyes. “You’re not going home alone like this, just- wait here, I’m gonna go tell the guys that I’m taking you home,” he instructs. You nod, glad he didn’t ask any questions because your throat feels tight. If he were to ask you anything else you knew you would burst out into tears.

There’s no one out front as you wipe your tears. You take a deep breath, closing your eyes as you exhale. You were fine. It was all going to be fine. You were fine before you even knew who he was, and you were going to continue being fine now, after him. 

You can hear the side gate of the house open and shut, it must be Taeyong. You walk down the front steps and make it halfway to the gate before stopping, it’s not Taeyong. It’s Jaehyun and he looks worried. 

“What’s wrong? What happened?” He asks, looking the slightest bit distressed.

You roll your eyes and turn on your heels, not even gracing him with a response. You can make it home alone. Ari and Kira have your location, you’ll text them when you get home. It’s not even that far. It’s fine. 

“Hey, sweetheart. Just- talk to me. What’s wrong?” Jaehyun asks, his hand wrapping around your forearm and turning you to face him.

You wanted to make this a clean break. You just wanted to leave and forget you ever met him. Leave and forget you ever fell for him, but since he’s asking. “Why didn’t you tell me? Huh?”

Jaehyun’s brows pinch together trying to figure out what you’re talking about, had one of the guys told you that he liked you. Those fuckers, fine, he could confess now, “Look, I’m sorry they told you. I was trying to gather the courage and make sure my feelings were genuine before I told you. They are, of course, but I don’t know- it’s been a while since I’ve felt this way for anyone and I was nervous.”

You can feel the tears coming back, “And she knows how you treat other girls? She knows that you walk them home, get the flowers, memorize their coffee orders, and introduce them to your friends. You could have at least been honest with me! I told you from the beginning! I told you from the very beginning I wasn’t going to sleep with you. All I asked for was your respect, but I won’t be the girl you cheat on your girlfriend with. I deserve more than that. I don’t even know the poor girl, but she deserves more too.” You hadn’t even realized you’d gotten so close to him. Your finger was touching his chest and you breathed heavily, a few tears escaping your eyes.

His hand came up to hold yours, pulling your hand away from his chest while keeping your hand in his own, “At the risk of sounding like a dick, who is she?”

You pull your hand out of his hold, before throwing them up in frustration, “your girlfriend! Jaehyun, you have a girlfriend you didn’t tell me about! I developed real feelings for you and you have a girlfriend!”

“You like me back?”

“You’re not listening! That doesn’t matter! You’re a major fucking asshole and your girlfriend deserves better than you. Fuck you!”

He steps forward, cupping your cheeks which makes you freeze. It was the last thing you expected him to do. You try to move way, wriggle out of his hold, but he keeps his hold, “I don’t have a girlfriend. I like you. sweetheart, I like you.”

Your breathing falters, searching his eyes for any sign of deceit, “but there were girls in the kitchen. They said you were tied down and seen with the same girl all over campus and you turned one of them down when she hit on you.”

“Well, it wouldn’t very well make me look good to the girl I liked if I was sleeping around with random girls, would it? sweetheart, you were the one I was seen with. Didn’t we study together a few times? I sat by you in class, I walked you home, I was with you at parties. Any of this ringing a bell or should we get you to the emergency room?” He asks with a playful smile.

“You like me?” 

He laughs, it’s loud, unabashed, and happy, “yes, I like you! I have a crush on you. You make me feel things I haven’t felt since I was in high school with my first, and only, girlfriend. I like hearing your snort, I like seeing your smile, your laugh. I like how kind you are. I like when you wear your comfy sweaters. I really like when you put flowers behind your ears. I like that you make me feel giddy and warm and liked and flirty and playful and I can be myself around you. I want to be smarter for you. I want to be around you more. I think you’re beautiful and funny and kind and perfect. I just- I like you, a lot.”

“I like you too, if that wasn’t obvious. You’re cute and funny-“

“We get it! Kiss!” You hear Ari and Kira yell. You look over Jaehyun’s shoulder and catch them watching you along with the frat officers from the side of the house.

Jaehyun sends you a look as if to ask, if it was ok. You nod minutely and tilt your head up. Your eyes fall shut when his lips meet yours. His lips are soft as he kisses you tenderly. You can feel all the pent up affection you’ve both felt for each other through the kiss. His hands cup your cheeks and yours rest on the back of his neck, holding him close. You lose yourself in the feeling of his lips against your own, fighting back the urge to smile. 

He pulls away and your eyes flutter open, staring into his eyes that match your adoration and excitement in the moment. He presses his forehead against your own, tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear, “so, want to make the rumors true?”

Your face furrows into one of confusion, the rumors? He laughs, pressing a sweet kiss to your lips which makes you melt. ���Wanna tie me down, sweetheart?”

“Kinky,” you wink, which makes him laugh out loud. A deep happy laugh, which makes you embrace him closely, “of course I do. As if my temper tantrum over you having an imaginary girlfriend didn’t make it obvious.”

“Good,” he smiles. And it is good, great even.

“Simp!” Johnny and Yuta yell, before one of them drunkenly belches.

Jaehyun laughs, hooking his arm over your shoulder to lead you back to the party. So what if he was a simp? Who wouldn’t be for you?

[johnbrand]

Being Proactive

“Hey princess, how about you go grab me a beer while we wait for everyone else to arrive.”

“Sure thing, Mario!” 

I ran inside as fast as I could, trying my best to hold back the smile that was threatening to escape. I could not believe how easily my plan was working. Ever since I caught that twisted, hungry bottom flirting with my boyfriend, I knew I had to take action. It was just fascinating how simple it all had been. 

My boyfriend was a solid-but-sensitive type, big and muscular but soft, which sometimes worked against him. He had not even noticed when Mario had batted his pretty eyelashes for him, or when the bottom pouted with a sickly sweet: “We should hang out more, I’m sure I’d make it worth your time.” But I had known the signs however, and I planned to be proactive. A simple search on the web led me to a solution I could only hope would do the trick.

It was some form of an incantation, performing rites onto an article of clothing with the necessary ingredients. Some rose-embedded candles, feathers of a raven, off-brand vinegar...all stuff I could easily find in the city. And once brought together, the ingredients were meant to create a migration ritual, transferring the essence of one person through an article of clothing onto another being. My plan was for Mario to be at the receiving end, absorbing the identity of my choosing.

And luckily for me, there was no better offering than my arrogant, womanizing older brother. Eric was a decent enough sibling growing up, although we had rarely spoken since my coming out. But overall, he was a different man on the streets. If he was not tackling another dude on the field, then Eric was surely tackling another chick into bed. Therefore, if I could imbed this same heterosexual passion into Mario, I knew I would never have to deal with him skankly attempting to steal my boyfriend every again. 

The set-up had been simple: a pool party with everyone supposedly invited. Of course, I had only reached out to Mario, and had neglected to inform him of the "pool" portion of the party. He was so thankful when I offered him my "spare" pair of speedos, taking the pink-patterned briefs from me without a second thought. He could have never known they had been soaking the entire night before in a brew with my older brother’s own sweat-stained boxers.

At first, the changes had not been evident, but eventually I began to witness the consequences of my actions. Mario had gradually grown taller, every minute having added an extra half-inch to his torso or legs. With this came the expansion of his muscles, defining the bottom’s once-lean figure with juicier, more defined features. 

Now approaching with the beer he had requested, I was able to take in even more changes that had happened while I had been inside. Hair had begun sprouting from Mario’s previously-shaven legs, and his queer mullet had tightened into a douchey French crop. I could even sense his attitude had shifted; Mario was no longer displaying his former star feature (his perky bottom), but instead showcasing his new pride (his literal, much larger pride).

“Good girl,” Mario taunted, chugging the whole can in one go. The teasing nicknames were new too. I should have been insulted, but I was too busy relishing in my success. What other attributes from my older brother would Mario soon absorb?

BUUUUUUUUURRRPP! “So how long until they get here anyway?” Mario groaned, tossing the crushed can aside. 

“Shouldn’t be much longer,” I replied without removing my eyes from him, hoping to witness another change.

Mario noticed my directed attention, assuming it was regarding the swimwear. “This wasn't all some plan to get me into a faggy speedo, was it? I'm beginning to think you wanted a real man like me all to yourself."

The accusation caused me to break, stunned at the rude remark. Mario smirked smugly. “What, something wrong, girly?”

“Yeah, what you're saying is insul-”

“Learn your place and go grab me another beer,” Mario ordered. “You don’t want me to have to get up, do you?”

Surprised and feeling a sudden loss of control, I turned away and made my way back to the kitchen. For the first time I began considering how Mario's conversion may have created an even worse monster than I could have imagined. My once proactive solution no longer appeared to be such.

[notherpuppet]

how do you manage to draw SO FAST

it seems to me, while i draw one line, in that moment you draw another piece of art, another page of comics, overthrow the government of a country, make contact with aliens, do you even have time to eat and sleep????

i admire your speed of work, and your artwork in general, and envy you in a good way.

Hi!!

So I'm on summer break, that's a big thing hahaha. I have all this free time because I work in education. When school starts in August, I will be attending grad school whilst working two jobs, so my "prolific-ness" is likely gonna take a total dive (very sad).

I guess I'm trying to take advantage of the free time I have as much as I can. Additionally, all I do is draw now. I have no money (I WORK IN EDUCATION) and it's too hot to go to the park lol.

My schedule rn is pretty much draw draw draw, go on a walk, draw draw.

I used to be pretty addicted to cookie run kingdom and tetris, and when I play video games I get superrrrr invested and can't put a game down until I finish it. So every time I've felt like playing a video game, I just think of drawing as a video game and that's what is keeping me so proactive with it tbh.

Also sometimes--when I'm not feeling as energetic about drawing--I just think to myself "just draw slow as hell fuck it" and i draw nice and slow, but for a long and consistent time. So I end up finishing fanart that way too. In those moments, it feels more like meditation or working on a puzzle than playing a video game.

EDIT: just wanna mention that every drawing takes me HOURS AND HOURS. So it's not necessarily a matter of drawing fast as much as it is a matter of having available time to spend.

INSIGHT INTO MY WACKY BRAIN IDK

[lovelygirlwithablog]

Under the tables

pairing: Harvey Specter x f!lawyer!reader

description: when Harvey gets bored in the middle of a meeting, he knows how to make it more interesting for the both of you.

warnings: smut, public sex, age gap, secret relationship, dirty talk, fingering, f!orgasm, praising, use of Y/N

word count: 1525

A/N: GUYS THANK YOU FOR THE NOTES YOU LEFT ON MY FIRST POST! 😭🫶🏻 here's a smut for you simps (including me, i'm genuinely obsessed with Harvey); this is one of the first times i'm writing smut and i really hope you'll like it <3

────────────────────────

Louis Litt adjusted his tie, a subtle sign of his nerves, before flashing his signature smirk. He stood at the head of the conference table, his usual, happy tone banging in your ears.

"Alright, everyone, I hope you’re ready to be amazed,” he began, his voice cutting through the chatter. “Today, we’re not just discussing another case—we’re changing the game. I’ve put together a proposal that will redefine our strategy and put us light-years ahead of our competition. So, let’s dive in, shall we?”

With that, he clicked the remote, and the first slide flickered to life behind him, revealing bold graphics and numbers that promised innovation and succes.

You roll your eyes, bored from the inside out. You look at Harvey and he has the same blank expression as you, staring outside the window.

"Y/N L/N." Louis spoke, pulling you back from your daydreams.

You clear your throat and stand up straight.

"Yes, Louis?" your cheeks flush.

"Would you care to share your thoughts on the proposal? I believe we were just discussing how our new strategy could significantly impact client retention,” he said, challenge in his tone.

The room fell silent, all eyes now on you. You quickly glanced at the screen, then back at him, scrambling to formulate a response. "Uh, yes! I think the client outreach initiative is a great idea. It shows we’re proactive." you said, your voice gaining confidence as you spoke.

"Proactive is an understatement, Y/N." Louis replied, grinning now. "It’s about taking charge, being the best, and standing out. And you know what they say about standing out—”

He leaned forward, gesturing dramatically, "It's the ones who dare to be different who actually make a difference. So, tell me, how do you plan to stand out in this firm?"

"I plan to stand out by bringing a fresh perspective to our clients and the firm. I want to focus on building strong relationships, not just completing tasks. I believe in being proactive—anticipating client needs before they even ask—and using innovative approaches to tackle challenges." you confidently said.

You leaned forward, enthusiasm evident in your voice. "For example, I’ve been looking into ways we can use technology to enhance our communication. Implementing tools like client portals for real-time updates can make a huge difference in how we engage with them."

Louis nodded, clearly impressed. “Excellent point! Client portals can streamline communication and provide transparency, which is invaluable. You can sit down now."

You sigh and return back to your chair.

"Good job, love." Harvey whispered in your ear.

You nod. You could feel your cheeks turning red as your heart pounds in your chest.

"Goddamit Harvey, you're driving me crazy." you think to yourself.

Harvey sits next to you, leaning back in his chair with that signature confidence, pen casually tapping against his notepad as he listens. The lighting from the sun through the windows frames him, highlighting his beautiful features.

Now and then, he glances your way, but his expression remains unreadable. You assume he’s just taking notes in his classic, composed style—sharp, observant, almost a little bored. But then, suddenly, he catches your eye and holds it for a beat longer than usual, just long enough to make you wonder if there’s something he’s not saying.

Then, in one smooth, almost careless motion, he slides his notepad across the table to you. Your heart skips as you reach for it, wondering if he’s noting something important you missed.

"You look so pretty in that damn skirt. Wish I could fuck you right here, right now."

You glance up, and he’s watching you with that half-smirk.

Your pulse quickens, and for a moment, you’re not even sure if anyone else is still speaking. It’s just you and Harvey, the faint hum of the room fading into the background as your cheeks flush from his unexpected note. You try to keep your expression neutral, fighting the smile that’s threatening to give you away. But Harvey notices, of course he does—his smirk grows slightly, a knowing gleam in his eyes that only deepens your blush.

You quickly slide the note back, hoping no one noticed the exchange, but he lets his fingers linger over the paper as he takes it, his touch grazing yours for just a split second. The contact is subtle, almost accidental, but it sends a warm shiver up your arm.

He leans back in his chair again, returning his attention to the others as if nothing had happened, but there’s a slight tilt to his chin—a subtle hint of victory, like he knows exactly the effect he’s had on you.

Then, without warning, you feel something—just the slightest brush against your knee under the table. It’s so subtle that at first you think it might’ve been accidental, but then it happens again. His hand, strong and steady, lingers, fingers just barely resting against your knee. You hold your breath, your pulse racing, trying to keep your expression neutral as your heart flutters.

You glance at him, but he’s still focused on the conversation, face unreadable, as if he’s completely oblivious to what he’s doing. But his fingers move, ever so slightly, applying a gentle pressure. The touch is subtle—just enough to remind you he’s there, to remind you of his presence.

Soon enough, his fingers travel down to your inner thigh, squeezing it gently.

Now, you knew exactly what he was up to.

You uncross your legs and let his hand travel down further, until it reaches your underwear.

You were soaked, and Harvey could feel that. You look at him, his face hiding a slight smile.

He manages to pull your underwear aside and runs his fingers through your folds, taking in your wetness.

He teases, tapping your clit with his fingers.

Your legs clench as he starts to slowly circle your clit, sending pulses through your entire body.

"Harvey." Louis says, his tone sharp and impatient, pulling everyone’s attention back.

Fuck.

He’s been watching Harvey with his usual blend of curiosity and suspicion, as if he can’t quite believe that Harvey isn’t somehow scheming right under his nose. "What do you think of the proposal?"

He leans forward slightly to make a point to one of the partners, his voice smooth and confident, yet his hand stays on your clit, circling it, as if it’s the most natural thing in the world.

Your face feels hot, and you do your best to look focused, nodding along as though everything is perfectly normal, even though his touch has made your heart race like nothing else.

But Harvey, of course, is cool and collected, as if he hasn’t just thrown your heart into overdrive. He gives Louis a patient look, waiting for him to finish his inevitable commentary, a slight smirk daring him to challenge his answer.

Louis, sensing he’s not going to win this one, lets out an exasperated sigh, finally moving on with the discussion. The room settles back into its rhythm, but the tension remains.

Harvey's finger slips into your pussy, giving you enough time to adjust. You almost moan at his sudden action, but you try to remain composed.

He begins to pump his finger inside you, placing his hand in a way that his wrist is touching your clit.

He slides another finger and you cough, trying to mask your moan.

He leans closer to your ear, whispering softly "Careful, love. We don't want anyone to hear this, do we?"

The best you can do is nod.

"Good girl." he whispered before he moved his body back on.

Your legs spread a little bit more, giving him space to take you all in.

You move your hips a little, trying to feel him entirely.

You could feel yourself getting closer to your orgasm. Harvey felt it too, your clit pulsing on his skin as the inside of your pussy wraps tightly around his fingers.

He looks at you for a slight second and you saw a faint blush on his cheeks. You couldn't help but smile at the view. Harvey Specter flustered.

You were so close. You placed your hand on his wrist and he smirked, feeling your desperation.

Your orgasm hits you, your legs beginning to clench as his fingers move to your clit, touching you lightly.

You put your hand on your mouth, clearing your throat as you try to obey Harvey's order.

To your disappointment, he moves his hand away. He gives you a gentle squeeze as if to say, "That's it baby. Good girl."

You feel your juices on his fingers as they brush against the bare skin of your thighs.

Throughout the rest of the meeting, you feel his gaze on you from time to time.

You glance back once, catching his eye, and he gives you the slightest nod, as if to acknowledge your shared little secret. The power play between you two is electric, filling the air with a kind of energy that’s all yours.

You know this isn’t the end of what he started—just the beginning.

[exhaslo]

Kinktober Day 16- Miguel x Villian!Reader (Bondage)

*Requested by reader ;) *

        The age of heroes was long gone, therefore you thought it was safe to play the part of a villain. Not really a villain, per se, you were a thief. Upon reading about how glorious the past thieves and villains were, you wanted to give your life a new thrill. Taking upon the name of, 'Black Cat', you dedicated your nights to stealing from the rich and giving to the poor, or sometimes to your pockets. Which ever gave you more of a high.

"Ohhhhhh, look at those earrings she is wearing! I'm sure she won't notice if I take them~"

"I'm sure she will,"

"No she-Ah!"

        You yelped away from the window, wondering who was talking to you. To your surprise, it was a tall muscular man in a suit. This must have been the big scary Spiderman that everyone was talking about. Your eyes wandered from his head to his toe. He was much finer than the stories you heard. Ain't no way a man like that was single. You swore a lightbulb appeared above your head. There was something new to steal now.

"Don't believe we've officially met, I'm Black Cat, but you can call me Kitty." You said with a wink.

"Gatita? (kitty?)" He repeated. 

        You nearly gasped. He was Spanish too, one of your many weaknesses in a man! Holding your chest, you nearly stumbled. What would happen if you just surrounded yourself to him? Spiderman was a hero, perhaps you can taint him!

"Wow, that just rolls right off the tongue-ahem, anyway, there's no way such a big hero like yourself is here to stop lil ol' me from stealing some earrings, right?"

"No. Just patrolling and saw a shady figure looking to break in."

"I am not shady!" You said with a huff and approached him, "But, I'll be a good kitty tonight and go home. Maybe if we meet again, I can be good to you~" You purred, trailing your finger against his chest.

        You quickly left with a wide grin against your lips. Oh he was so toned! You casually glanced back, hoping that your flirting was good enough. It had been a while since you did something so bold. Well, the mask sure helped.

----------

        Miguel just stood there, wondering what had just happened. Normally he wouldn't let such petty thieves get away without teaching them a lesson, but then again, you didn't steal anything yet. That, and Miguel had not been flirted with in such a long time that he was in shock. Your casual touch against his skin made him tense. You called yourself a good kitty for him. That was something he was going to think about all night.

----------

        As luck would have it, you kept bumping into Spiderman. It was always whenever you were going to steal something petty or for yourself. Never when it was for others. It made you wonder if he was watching what you were stealing. If so, where would he draw the line? It felt like your flirting was working because Spiderman had started to flirt back! Oh, you nearly dropped on your knees the first time he said something so proactive! You nearly folded right then and there for him!

"Not yet, (y/n)! You need to think!"

"(Y/n)? What a pretty name," Spiderman said with a hum. You let out a whine as your cat claws stroked down the wall you were about to climb,

"You're so mean to me!" You teased, facing the tall man, "Are you going to look me up when you get home, huh Spidey?"

"Now why would I want to look up criminals?" He drew closer to you, "Unless you want me too?"

"Tsk, tsk, this kitty won't like that. This game has to be fair."

"I don't play games with thieves." Spiderman hummed lowly, his hand pressed against the wall as he hovered over you, "Now what were you trying to steal this time?" He asked.

        You gave him your best pout, trying to act innocent. Why was this man so attractive!? If only you can match a face with that sexy voice of his. You bit you lower lip as you took notice of the position you were in. This was straight out of a comic book! Argh, if only you weren't restricted by his mask. You would totally kiss him!

"Why don't I let you guess?" You placed a hand against his chest, "If you guess correctly, I'll reward you~"

"I don't play games with-"

"Boo! Perhaps next time you can play with this kitty. I'm flexible~" You whispered in his ear before dashing off.

-------------

        Miguel inhaled deeply as he watched you scurry off. He kept saying that he did not play games with criminals, yet here he was, letting you run off. Like a game of cat and mouse, only he was a Spider. Miguel groaned lowly as your last words repeated in his mind. Next time he might want that reward you were tempting him with. Next time, he might stop playing games and catch you...Just to see how flexible you really were. It all depends on how you were going to be and what you were going to steal.

-------------

        This was it! This was really going to test your flirting skills with Spiderman. You might be going too far, but hell, this was for your own amusement. You wanted to steal Spiderman for yourself. Such a fine man deserved to be yours. You could not go to bed without thinking of him being intimate with you. You wanted him! Chuckling to yourself, you stared at the adult store in front of your, waiting for Spiderman to appear.

"What are you doing, gatita?" Spiderman said with a hesitant sigh. You smirked towards him,

"What? Can't even steal myself some relief? I'm tired of being a good kitty~"

"Rel-" Miguel stopped himself, feeling that thin line slowly breaking, "You don't need that."

"Awe~ Why not?" You slowly approached Spiderman, "Remember that game last time? Guess what I'm going to steal and I'll reward you? Well, it will be an extra sweet reward~"

"Fuck," Oh, you weren't expecting that, "I'm done playing games."

        Before you can whine, you yelped as Spiderman fired his webbing towards you. You gasped as both of your hands were stuck to the building. Spiderman drew closer to you, webbing your hands more firmly so your claws couldn't break you free.

"You've been a bad, gatita. I'm going to have to punish you after all," His voice was low and raspy. Did you actually succeed?

"Oh? And how are you-ah~"

        You gasped once more as Spiderman started to rub his fingers against your cunt. The fabric causing a burning friction. You tried to close your legs, but Spiderman raised them and webbed them to the wall as well. This was an embarrassing position! You were completely caught in his web.

"Miguel," He whispered, trailing his fingers against the rip of your pants, "(Y/N), if you want relief so badly, then I'll give it to you."

        Shit, this was actually happening. You felt yourself grow wetter just by him telling you his name. At least now you had something to yell out. Muffling a moan, you whined as Miguel lowered your pants. The bottom half of his mask disappeared as he brought his tongue to your wet pussy. Your eyes widen as your saw fangs. So those rumors were true. Before you could ask him about them, you let out a loud moan as he licked your folds.

"M-Miguel!" You yelped in shock. Miguel just looked up at you thru his mask, licking your wet folds in the process,

"You can't lick yourself here, gatita, so I will." His voice vibrated throughout your body, causing you to shiver in delight.

        You tried to arch your back as he wiggled his tongue all over your pussy. A burning sensation traveling all over your body to your cunt. His hands stroking your legs, making you more sensitive. Miguel raised his head slightly, sucking against your clit. You cried out, feeling your growing pleasure. You felt his smirk as he slid his hand over your cunt, sliding two of his large digits inside of you. That was your final straw as you cam against his hand.

        You whined once more as Miguel kept fucking his fingers into your throbbing pussy, not giving you a chance to rest. His tongue still against your clit, eagerly sucking and licking. This was actually happening. Spiderman was fucking you. Trembling as Miguel curled his finger's inside you, you started to grind your hips against his hand. This was much better than whatever toy you were going to steal. Another gasp came out of you as Miguel started to pump his fingers faster. You wanted these webs off.

"C-Come on, Spidey, I-I'll be a good, ah, kitty, lemme g-go~" You begged, feeling another orgasm forming. Miguel looked at you, freeing your abused clit,

"Don't like it when you're trapped in my web?" He asked, bringing his fangs against your neck, "Gotta tie up criminals. Including bad gatitas." He whispered, sucking against your neck.

        Your whines got tuned out by your moans since Miguel pumped his fingers into your g-spot. Your vision blurred for a second as you cam once more. Miguel removed his fingers, giving them a lick as he freed his large cock. Pre-cum already dripping from his tip. You were brought back to your senses once you laid eyes on it. How was that going to fit? There was no way you could move either.

"Awe, is my gatita scared?" Miguel teased, pressing the tip of his cock against your soaked pussy, "Why don't I give you a reward for not stealing anything?"

"Mhm-Miguel...It's...too hn...b-big," You stuttered, trembling as he slowly slid his cock inside your gummy walls, "D-Does y-your training...including...d-dick growth?" 

"Hah," Miguel almost let out a rare laugh. 

        You wanted to say you were joking, but you weren't. Miguel was so big and thick. You were shaking as you felt your pussy stretch like never before. It hurt at first, but this position was making you adjust quickly. You were spread out like a damn butterfly. Thank god there were no cameras or nearby people. You flung your head back, moaning as you felt his tip hit your cervix. Who knew Spiderman had such a big dick. Who knew it would even fit inside you!

"Fuck, look at that. What a good gatita." Miguel groaned lowly.

        You whined softly as you felt your walls squeeze him. Miguel leaned in to kiss you before beginning his rough thrusts. Your eyes widen as you moaned into the kiss, surprised by his strength. You felt him fuck the breathe right out of your throat. With each thrust, Miguel bruised your cervix. He held your hips, climbing onto the wall to fuck you deeper. If only you could hold onto him. You felt so vulnerable in this position, unable to move. It was like you were just his fuck toy.

        You swore you saw stars as Miguel made you cum again. He grunted as his cock started to get a white ring from your juices. He quicken his pace, causing you to moan from overstimulation. How many more orgasms' was this man going to draw out of you. You started to feel dizzy, but you didn't want him to stop. Hearing another grunt, Miguel held your waist tighter, almost piercing it with his talons. He slammed his dick into you harshly, pouring his cum into your womb.

"That's right, good gatita's like their milk." Miguel panted softly. You just trembled,

"A-Ah~" You moaned lowly, feeling his hot load fill you.

        Miguel waited a moment before pulling out. He watched as a mixture of his cum and your juices rolled down your legs. He freed you from his webbing and fixed your suit. Glancing up at the building before you, he smirked under his mask,

"I'll let you steal just one thing from that store, but I'll have to punish you again." He whispered in your ear, holding your waist close to his. Your body leaned against his, unable to think straight,

"Do you like seeing this kitty all tied up?"

"I'd be lying if I said no."

"Then I'll reward my precious hero and grab more bondage...That doesn't involve sticky webs." You whined, still removing his webs from your suit. Miguel smirked, biting against your neck as he rubbed your pussy again,

"But you enjoy these sticky webs." He poked against your hole, causing you to melt under his touch,

"L-Lemme steal...mhm...something first."

"Yes, my good little gatita."

[genderqueerdykes]

I’m really nervous to say this but I think I might be a girl, but it’s confusing because I still think I was born male.

Like, I use he/him for myself sometimes. I don’t consider myself even trans, I’m a girl in a boys body or a girl who was raised/born with a penis. Sometimes I don’t feel like I’m a real Transfem, or like I’m less valid because I still consider myself male to some degree. Or I feel like I’m using transmed language. I know it isn’t true, but the internalized transphobia is real. 😞

(also btw I go by the name Ren, if you could refer to me that way please)

hello there! thanks for taking the time to stop by, we really appreciate it

i totally see where you're coming from. i don't think you have to feel ashamed for thinking/feeling that way right now. i have met so many girls in your situation and it's totally okay to feel that way while you're coming to accept who you are. many transfems are affected by imposter syndrome and i think it's due to the absolutely unrealistic expectations we place on every single transfem. i think it's because of how poorly other people treat you and other transfems

it's really easy to internalize that you're not "really" this or "really" that when other people treat you that way, or you've witnessed that behavior being expressed towards others. it's alright to feel unsure of yourself right now. a lot of trans people start off thinking they're a girl in a boy's body, or a boy in a girl's body. it's alright to not see your body as a girl's body yet. it takes time to accept that. some of my exes have been in the same situation where they still saw their body as a man's body and it's okay. you are a girl in a girl's body, but you've been told otherwise for so long it's okay to take a while to dismantle that

you sound transfem to me, i hope you're able to feel more confident soon as time passes. if possible, it may help you to try to seek out online transfem spaces, i'm part of a few on discord and i see a lot of people being very proactive in helping ease the dysphoria of other transfems. it's so common, you're not alone. some of the most intense dysphoria i've ever seen in a trans person came from the trans girls i've known. and who can blame you? society is so harsh towards trans women

it's okay if you're not perfectly feminine or if you don't fit into any type of box. it's okay if you need time to accept things. and many trans people do end up viewing their lives as "halves". many older trans women i've met have told me about "when they were living as a boy/man" and when they began living as a woman. i've met trans men who say the inverse. it's okay if you feel like you were a boy/man at at one point and are no longer. it's okay to feel like you were born in a boy/man's body and need to transition to make it feel like a girl's body, and your body. however you feel about it, you don't need to feel ashamed of yourself.

you're still a girl, Ren! you're still transfem. imposter syndrome is tough, i hope it eases up for you soon. you don' thave to jump through any hurdles to be transfem- so many transfems out there feel just the same way you do. it's okay

hope that helps, take care for now. please feel free to ask any more questions you may have!

[a-random-weeb]

NOOOO BUT PURPOSELY TRYING TO MAKE BSD MEN FAIL NNN

ft. Dazai, Ranpo, Nikolai, and Sigma

(You’re gonna write for Chuuya anyways)

Hehehe, this sounds hilarious.

Also, you know I don't write for Nikolai

Anyway here are some short headcannons, like, you thought Chuuya was short? Think again

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡

ﾟ。 Chuuya:

　ﾟ･｡･ﾟ

(I tried to put a heart around his name)

•He doesn't like NNN, but participates in it none the less (Only because you begged him to)

•Omg he wants to kill you when you try to make things harder for him

•He figures out your plan pretty quickly, and he's pissed

•You got him to participate so you could tempt him!

•You wear revealing clothes around the house and it pisses him off

•He probably can go the whole month without nutting, but watch out, because the minute it hits December first- well, he had to do 'no nut November', now you have to do 'no walk December' if you you what I mean 😏

✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡♡˚౨ৎ˚✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡♡˚౨ৎ˚✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡♡˚౨ৎ˚✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡♡˚౨ৎ

Sigma:

•Sigma thinks NNN is stupid

•But, you joke that it's because he's too horny not to participate, and what do you know? He actually participated because of the stupid joke you made

•He tries his best, but in the end he probably fails

•He can't handle it, you dressing up so proactively, you flirting and being all sexy, he needs you

•♪you try so hard, and get so far, but in the end, it doesn't even matter~♪

•^that song is the apitamy of how he feels

•When he fails, he comes too you all dramatically like "I failed No Nut November, omg, this is the end of the worlldddddd"

•Poor thing thinks he's done something wrong 😭

•You just laugh and help him with his little 'Problem'

°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✩°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✩°❀⋆.

Dazai:

•He loves No Nut November

•He makes you participate with him

•He knows your plans to try to get him to fail, but he also has plans to make you fail

•Bro will walk around in his boxers. He will be cuddling with you on the couch (only in his boxers) and out of nowhere pull you onto his lap, and make sure you feel his hard shaft against your ass, maybe even rub himself against you a little. He'll kiss your neck and grind against you, whispering dirty stuff in your ear like "When this month is done, you're mine~"

•Yeah, you're not winning sweety

•The worst part is, he won't let you do him til December! Even if you lose!

•You'll have to get yourself off until then

•Even if you lose, he'll still tempt you, but won't let you touch him, it's Hell

•Have fun waiting~

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ⭑‧˚ ⋅ .°જ➴๋࣭ ⭑๋࣭ ⭑.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ⭑‧˚ ⋅ .°જ➴๋࣭ ⭑๋࣭ ⭑.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ⭑‧˚ ⋅ .°જ

Ranpo:

•He doesn't participate in it, he thinks it's pointless

•But he will be really pouty if you participate

•He'll whine and annoy you about it

•He knows what you're trying to do, and he complains so much

•He can't wait for the month to end

+.°×'*•.+.°×'*•.+.°×'*•.+.°×'*•.+.°×'*•.+.°×'*•.+.°×'*•.+.°

Yay, I've posted again! I feel bad I haven't been posting, I'm so sorry guys 😭

[the-king-andthe-lionheart]

History of Westeros tries to act like some sort of ASOIAF authority because they've re-read the books several times, but they really aren't. They legitimately released a YouTube short about Robb's Will being up in the air, which is correct, it is, but they also said that Sansa's marriage to Tyrion was annulled, which is factually wrong and just sounds like annoying Sansa Stan propaganda this fandom loves to spew that completely misconstrues and makes up about Sansa as a character and her arc and themes. I know Stansa's love coming up with excuses about Robb's Will to try to explain how Sansa can become Lady/Queen or the North/Winterfell (spoiler alert: she doesn't even have a leadership arc so how does that make sense?) but this is just next tier bullshit. Sansa's marriage isn't annulled just because you wish it hard enough. Littlefinger is hoping Tyrion is dead so that when Sansa makes her grand appearance after marrying Harry the Heir, it's not proved she's some bigamist, and that her marriage is legitimate. Littlefinger didn't magically finagle an annulment. No Sansa is still Lady Lannister in the books by the people of Westeros no matter how much this fandom wants to boo and hiss and complain about it. No matter what you want, this is what she is known to be in the books right now, just like Arya is still Lady Bolton and Lady of Winterfell (through proxy) by the people in Westeros. No matter how much you complain, it doesn't negate canon.

Can't say I'm surprised though. History of Westeros has defended the show and actually thinks what happened in the show, will largely take place in the books. And they are legitimate Arya anti's. I remember a few years ago they tried answering a question about what they think Arya's upcoming arc and endgame could be, and they couldn't think up anything beyond her either dying or sailing away. How can you be a self-proclaimed ASOIAF authority and not even take Arya's character and arc seriously enough to have legitimate, good faith ideas about where it's going considering she's one of the five main protagonists? Riddle me that?

It's ridiculous and all of this just proves my point. New fans of these books, or even older fans of these books who haven't re-read them, or haven't re-read them in a long time, need to be wary of these so-called "authorities" in fandoms, because most of the time they are biased and they spread lies. It's not a coincidence that most of the lies these people spread always misconstrued or flat out lie about Sansa's character, arc, plots, or circumstances in the books, either. I mean just look at this claim that Sansa's marriage to Littlefinger is already annulled. Look at how many things would come easier to her if that was the case. Not only would she no longer be tied to the Lannister name, but if she were to go on and wed another she wouldn't be considered a bigamist and it would be legitimate. And that's not even considering the fact that the reason Robb made up a Will was to specifically disinherit Sansa from ever getting Winterfell after being married into the Lannister family, so that the Lannister's couldn't claim it through her.

Hmm...kind of seems like History of Westeros isn't just making a dumb mistake (which you'd think would be edited out in the editing process if it was) but actually spreading lies to support their Pawn to Player/Queen Sansa propaganda even though it's still highly unlikely that Sansa would ever become leader of the North even if she got an annulment considering everything going against her in her own arc, which doesn't even include the fact that she quite literally doesn't have a leadership arc and she's the most passive POV character I've ever read and how she's constantly in lalaland. The fact that Robb, the legitimate heir to Winterfell, had to prove himself worthy in a bloody and violent and proactive way, should tell us everything about what the North is looking for in a leader, and it's not some pretty princess puppet planning parties. Sorry not sorry.

[fantasylandloser]

Cuddle Buddies pt.2

Pairing: rafe x reader

part 1 to cuddle buddies is here

a/n: there will be three parts to this and I'm working on the third as we speak but for now enjoy pt.2 and leave your thoughts

warnings: making out, a little bit controlling rafe, lmk if there is more

******

You were embarrassed with yourself, knowing you were about to break the unspoken agreement between you and Rafe. Though neither of you had said it out loud, the rule was only storm nights. Well that was your rule anyway, but you needed to see him. When you knocked on his door, you weren’t even sure if he would open it, but it swung open in seconds. Confusion adorned Rafe’s face at the sight of you.

“What’s wrong?” He asks, looking around the hallway like he was expecting something to come out and attack.

“I… had a bad dream.” You whisper, embarrassed you even came to him about this. “Can I sleep in your room?” You ask, wringing your hands together. You’re not sure why you think he’s gonna say no, he lets you sleep in his room all the time. But these are new waters for the two of you.

Rafe’s eyes soften as he opens the door the rest of the way, his eyes taking in your nervous figure.. “Yeah..yeah.” He repeats, nodding his head. You let out a breath of relief, happy he didn’t make it a big deal.

You push yourself into his room, like you’d done many times before, making your way to your side of his bed. 

“You know you don’t have to ask, right?” Rafe says once you’ve gotten settled. You’re facing him and you see the sincerity in his eyes. “You can sleep in here whenever you want.” Rafe says his face turns red when you grin at him. “I like having you here I guess..” He finishes, avoiding your stare. 

“Your dad would have a conniption.” You tell him, making him roll his eyes.

“You don’t always have to be perfect for him, you know.” He says.

“No you don’t have to be perfect for him, because you’re his son and he loves you unconditionally.” You sigh, at the look on his face like he’s ready to protest. “But I’m from the cut, and I have nothing, and Ward gave me everything.” You reach up soothing the wrinkle in his brow. He looked deep in thought.

“You should be loved unconditionally.” You smile at his words. I could love you unconditionally. Rafe thought intrusively. He didn’t say it though. He was proactive, he would just show you.

*******

Since that night you started going to Rafe for every small inconvenience. It started with JJ being mad at you, about being ‘with’ Rafe, after John B spilled the beans. He gave you a hug, told you he’d come around if he was really your best friend, but Rafe didn’t like JJ so he hoped he didn’t. Then it was everything suddenly being too heavy even though Rafe knew you were bullshitting because he’d seen you lift heavier stuff. Once you even asked him to open a jar. Rafe couldn’t lie though, he loved it. Being needed by you gave him a purpose.

He knew you were plenty self-sufficient, but he liked that you wanted him to do things for you. Especially things he knew you could do on your own because that meant you asked him to do it, just because you liked the way he did it. Rafe couldn’t explain it. 

The two of you were growing close. Everyone could tell. The way you two would constantly hang around each other, the decrease in bickering, the lingering touches, and all the flirting. The flirting was constant too, and almost on autopilot. At first it was subtle, you poking Rafe’s cheeks to mess with him, him smiling and laughing while you did. Then it became bolder, Rafe would pull you towards him by your waist. He’d stare at you while he was talking to someone else. He would even play in your hair sometimes, and you’d let him. 

Neither of you were oblivious of your feelings for each other, but it seemed like everything was much easier if it wasn’t spoken on. Well that’s how it felt for a little while. Rafe had started including you when he brought his friends over to hang out, or even when he was working out. What he didn’t like was that Topper had taken a liking to you, and since the two of you kept telling everyone that things weren’t like that, he thought you were up for grabs. 

Rafe kept telling Topper things like “she’s not dating right now” or “you’re not her type, bro” but Topper was persistent. 

“Did you know Top was gonna ask me out?” You ask, as soon as Rafe walks through the door, sweaty from his run. Rafe tries his best to control his reaction, not wanting to get overly angry and upset you. 

“He said something about it.” He tells you, going to the sink to get water. You squint your eyes at him for millisecond before quickly going back to neutral, but he caught it.

“And you’re okay with that?” The way you phrased the question made it seem like you were asking for permission, but your tone gave him the vibe that that wasn’t what you meant.

He started to gulp down water before he answered, making you slightly impatient. “Do you want me to be okay with that?” He asks you, throwing the ball back in your court. Rafe didn’t want to make himself vulnerable to you, not if you didn’t reciprocate. 

“Rafe.” You deadpan displeased with him for answering a question with a question. 

“Okay fine. No, I'm not okay with that.” He tells you. “We… we have something here. And I don’t want you dating other guys. Especially not Topper.” It’s a bit controlling the way he says it, but it settles every nerve in the pit of your stomach.

“Okay.” You say simply, confusing Rafe because you usually wanted to argue about every topic.

“Okay? That’s it?” Rafe asks, his brows lifting in surprise.

“Yeah that’s it.”

That was the first time Rafe expressed his feelings for you. It was controlling but it was perfect for you, for him. The second time he expressed feelings for you was on his birthday.

Ward had you running errands for him all day and it was driving Rafe insane. He didn’t want the insane party his friends were going to throw for him, or all the gifts he was gonna get. He just wanted to see you. You’d been gone since before he woke up and he’d only received a text from you telling him happy birthday and that you’d give him his gift later. 

He didn’t want to admit it but he spent the whole day, waiting for you to come home. It wasn’t until the sunset and family dinner had already started that you came back. Rafe was on his feet as soon as he heard your keys jingle. A wide grin on his face when he watched you walk through the door with a birthday hat on, a large cake and many balloons.

“Happy Birthday!” You say loudly, a large grin on your face. 

“Finally you made it back. I was thinking that list was too long.” Rafe had to refrain from rolling his eyes at his dad’s voice, for taking you away from him on his birthday.

“It was a little lengthy, but I got through it. I also had time to stop and get you a surprise.” Rafe is confused until you pull out the large, atrocious, hat. It had Birthday Boy written on it in large red letters and a huge bow at the top.

Rafe groaned at the sight of it. “Babe, I’m not wearing that.” He didn’t really know where the nickname came from but it fit and he’d say it over and over again to see your little embarrassed grin.

“Shut up, yes you are.” You say, grin unable to make its way off your face as he lets you pull the strap under his chin, smiling at you despite his protest.

“I think I’m gonna throw up.” Sarah says, fake gagging at the display. “Please stop.”

“Ah Sarah, leave your brother alone, it’s his birthday, you can save the teasing for tomorrow.” Ward tells her, only for her to roll his eyes.

Throughout his entire birthday dinner Rafe keeps thinking to himself that he just wants it to be over. So he can be near you, or at least closer, which is easier to find excuses for when it was just the two of you. He didn’t know that you were thinking the same thing, just for a different reason. You were excited to give him his birthday present.

When you finally made it up to his room under the guise that you were going to watch a movie. You were practically jumping with excitement. 

“What is it?” Rafe asks you, when you hand him the wrapped present.

“The whole point of the wrapping paper is that you unwrap the gift to find out.” You tell him in an obvious tone, to which he rolled his eyes.

“Hey it’s my birthday, you can’t be mean to me.” He guilts you, his little smirk giving him away. 

“Fine, you’re right, I’m sorry.” You concede. “Now open it please, before I do it for you.” He laughed at your anticipation and began to open his gift. 

His surprised laugh when he realizes what it is throws you into a fit of giggles. “Isn’t it cute?” You ask as he holds up his half of the matching onesies. The pink letters reading ‘cuddle buddies’, his, having his name on the back and a picture of your face and yours designed with the same idea as well. 

“Yeah baby, I like it.” You’re blushing at his second use of a nickname. “Might just wear it to my party tonight.” He jokes, looking back at you. “You can wear yours too.” 

“God, no!” You laugh, happy that the gift made him smile. 

“Why not?” He asks, little grin smirk on his face widening, as he pulls you closer to him, in between his legs. The position had your brain short circuiting, as you wrapped your arms around the tops of his broad shoulders.. You were used to him being touchy, but this was on the handsier side and you definitely didn’t mind it.

“Cause’ all your kook hook ups will be upset.” You tell him. It was an immature tactic to get information, and you knew it as soon as you said it, but still you were curious. Rafe smirks knowingly, pushing his face into your arm. 

“What hookups baby?” He asks you, pulling you down so that you’re straddling him. That’s when all the wires in your brain disconnect and you’re nothing but putty in his hands. 

“You tell me.” You say, your face now level with his, and your lips only inches apart.

“There aren’t any.” Rafe inhales deeply, placing his face in your neck. “I just want you.” He adds. You feel a tingle go down your spine as his nose brushes down the side of his neck, a whimper leaving you at his words. 

“You smell so fucking good.” It’s almost a growl and it has you trying to clench your thighs together, only for your inner thighs to be met by his torso.

“Rafe.” You whisper, knowing that his family was downstairs and his friends would be here at any moment.

“You always smell good.” He continues. “I think you do it on purpose, just to drive me crazy.” His hands make their way to your smooth thighs. “I smell you all over my bed too. “ He groans to himself, the sound sending a flash of heat through your body. 

“Raaafe.” You mewl, sending his hips bucking up into yours, making you gasp at the feeling. 

“Fuck. Don’t say my name like that okay?” It takes a few seconds for you to realize that he’s restraining himself, pushing you further back  on his thighs so he doesn’t do it again. You don’t like it and can’t help but feel like you’re missing out on an unrestrained Rafe.

When you push yourself closer to him, almost sitting right on him. Rafe moans, and the noise tears down any lasting thoughts of doubt and worry.

“Rafe please kiss me.” You beg. It almost makes Rafe mad at himself for making you wait this long, even though the sentence is music to his ears, knowing you were almost as desperate for him as he was for you.

He doesn’t say anything as captures your lips. The first taste of you makes him absolutely feral.His hands are everywhere and he’s kissing you like he just got out of prison and you’re the first woman he’s touched in years. He’s chasing your lips when you come up for air even though he’s panting. 

“You don’t know what you’re doing to me.”  Rafe tells you, he’s breathless and it’s almost a whine. He’s leaving sloppy open mouth kisses down your throat and that action has you reeling, you start rocking your hips into his, hoping for some relief from the friction but it isn’t enough and he feels it too.

“Rafe,” You gasp , when his hips rock to meet yours roughly. 

Three loud knocks at the door make both of you freeze up. “Rafe open up!” It’s Kelce, you’re both relieved. “The party of the century is going down three blocks from here and it’s your party man!” You hear Topper add.  You can’t help your grin at Topper, because to him every party is the party of the century. Rafe groans dramatically, pouting like a child. 

“It’s your party man.” You tease him, whispering. 

“What about our party?” He asks, making you avert your eyes from his intense stare, at your swollen lips.

“We can continue it later.” You tell him, and he’s pleased to hear it, but not happy when you raise yourself off his lap to go open the door. 

[kaeso4ka]

You're favoring your Prime today…. Or is that a lie?

Pairing: yandere shattered glass Optimus Prime x reader

Somehow that cycle begins with a burning desire in the roaring systems. Prime stares and stares and stares, gazing into the familiarly bubbling room of his own throne room. Notices the flasks - and the housings in them, of course - the muted holy glow of the Arc lamps, the extraordinary silence… Has he gone into forced offline from lack of power right on his throne?

“My Prime…?”

A voice like the finest symphony catches Optimus' attention. Only now does he notice you sitting on his lap.

This is perhaps the first time Prime has ever seen you so seductively submissive. Never before have you clung to him so trustingly and willingly. A collar shimmered around your slender human neck… One you had once rejected. But not now?

“What's wrong with you?” you settle more comfortably, stroking the almost-hot metal. You try to get your palms under the joints of the armor. “I thought you'd be offline longer. Even kicked Jazz and Prowl out when they came in with some kind of report.”

Listening to you babble doesn't happen the first time. Prime doesn't want to think about anything else, especially when you're so close to him. And so benevolent.

“You're… Here today.”

“What do you mean? I'm with you every cycle,” you frown, but only for a click. The smile quickly returns, “you're tense. I want to help you.”

Before Prime can answer anything, you pull him into a kiss. The already attention-demanding systems heated up more. Optimus pressed his palms on your thighs, savoring the softness of a human body. Still human, for now.

“Open up,” you broke away from Prime's lips, tapping the mech's crotch armor, ‘I'm hot to sit on you,’ the slyness added to your familiar look. Less submissive and proactive. But it was all erased when you knelt down between Prime's servos, “I'm waiting, Optimus.”

“Slag,” Prime threw his helmet back, commanding the release of the connector. The mech didn't know the reason for your good mood today, but if there was one, it was worth taking everything. “My Spark…”

Prime looked at you, capturing every lazy movement. Capturing your every sigh and barely perceptible half smile.

The ringing of the alarm systems interrupted everything.

It took Prime a couple seconds to come back online.

A dream. It was only a dream. With a quiet growl, Optimus rose from his throne. He planned to head to you, to your shared quarters and your cage, to make the dream a reality.

[angel-kyo]

Pay it no mind

Part X

In which reader confesses their feelings to Gojo, but it seems these are not returned (maybe?).

Warnings: reader is on the receiving end of rejection (kinda), and the fact that I'm obsessed with unrequited love is a warning itself.

Previous: Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV, Part V, Part VI, Part VII, Part VIII, Part IX

----------------------

You sprinted out of the cafeteria after Satoru and called his name once his back was on sight.

Gojo immediately stopped walking but did not turn around. He had not expected you to come after him, but it would be a lie to say he was not glad you had. After not seeing much of you all week, and although it had been his fault for proactively escaping any room as soon as you entered it, he was missing you.

Why was he avoiding you? It was hard to put in words. Call it instincts, but for some reason, he started walking in the opposite direction as soon as he saw you for the first time after that last Saturday together, and then he just kept doing it. Maybe it had been an attempt at keeping things okay between you two. If he left things still, they would not worsen, right?

Wrong.

“You really walk fast.” He knew you were right behind him now, so he turned to face you.

You were slightly out of breath due to rushing after him, but Satoru thought you looked adorable. He had gotten into the habit of scolding himself after having such kind of thoughts about you, but he let it slip this time. There is nothing wrong with me thinking that if it’s true, he reasoned.

He gave you a smile. “My stride is just larger than yours.”

“Yeah, I’ve noticed.” It was good to see him. Just having him in front of you made you feel better. “Can we talk?”

“I’m all ears.” He was keeping a more reserved smile and less cheerful demeanor than usual. You recognized that behavior immediately; it was a facade, and you knew he would maintain it as long as there were students and colleagues around. If you wanted him to drop the act, you needed to talk to him in a more private place.

You grabbed Satoru’s wrist and pulled him to a different part of the school.

While you led him on, Gojo thought of how you had never held hands in public. Sure, anyone would raise an eyebrow at how the strongest sorcerer was letting himself be dragged around like that. If he held your hand as he was used to, that would definitely give people the wrong impression.

I couldn't care less about what they think, though.

You led him into an empty classroom. “Here is okay, I think.”

Satoru looked around and smirked. “Are you trying to talk me into something shady, [name]?”

You smiled. No, I’m trying to make you loosen up a bit.

“That depends. How shady is it that my best friend is avoiding me?” He opened his mouth again, but no words came out.

Satoru did not really have the guts to lie to you, but he did not think he could tell you what was going on inside his head or his heart now either.

You continued when he did not say anything. “Are you mad at me?”

After replaying that last Saturday a hundred times in your head, you believed he had not acted like himself, but he had not said anything concluding either.

“I am not,” he said, but it did not sound convincing, and that blindfold of his made it too difficult to read his expression.

“Then why are you avoiding me?” You took a step closer.

Maybe if you…

“Can I…?” You lifted your hands tentatively and he leaned in.

You removed his blindfold slowly. Satoru’s eyes were closed, but when he opened them, they met yours, as they always did, even when he was covering them. Your arms returned to your sides, but you did not step back.

Scanning his features, you found no traces of anger on Satoru’s face, and you were reminded of how human he could look. He was beautiful, there was no doubt about it, but sometimes, you could still peek at the boy he was at heart and now felt like one of those moments.

Being so close to him, put you at ease but broke your heart at the same time. You had loved the kid and the teen versions of him, and now, the man, maybe all in slightly different ways, but you loved him, nonetheless. Even after accepting he could not return your feelings, you hoped he could love you a little as well.

“I’m not mad at you,” he repeated. “You…” His eyes were on yours, and his tone made you recall the last time he had struggled with his words in front of you, sweets in hand, pausing his speech as if he could not really talk.

He is trying to say something he knows will make things weird.

He finally got the words out. “I know what you are thinking, but I don’t mind him. You… surprised me, it’s all.”

Back in the day, when Satoru disapproved of your friendship with Haruki, although you never fully understood his motive, he had tried to make peace with it for your sake. You knew that much. However, when his leaving inevitably left a bitter taste in your mouth and your heart ached over his last messages and scarce letters, Satoru comforted you the best he could, and even if you had not resented Ikeda, Satoru sure had. You thought he may still associate him with those not-so-happy days.

You nodded slowly. He was right, you had not expected him to return either. “I know.” Your gaze dropped to the collar of his uniform. “I’m sorry. I should have...”

“No. I am sorry too,” he interrupted.

On that sleepless night after being out with you, Satoru had accepted he was not entitled to knowing every detail of your life, but he had reached some other more concerning conclusions.

***

“'You’re a coward'”, Satoru said in a silly way, imitating the tone of a certain boy. “And then he had the guts to smile at me. What a jerk...”

Suguru had listened to Satoru’s full narration of events of how he had talked with Ikeda, and while the subject had initially piqued his interest, as he could not picture his friend voluntarily trying to clear the air with Haruki, the story had soon turned into just Satoru complaining about the guy as usual.

“And how did that make you feel?” Suguru disinterestedly turned the page of the book he was reading.

Gojo was going to answer when he realized Geto was barely paying attention.

Suguru felt his friend’s intense gaze and closed his book to look at him. “Well, what else do you want me to say?”

“That he is wrong maybe? I’m not a coward.”

Suguru hummed. “I’m not so sure.”

Gojo smiled. “Trying to pick up a fight, Suguru?”

“All I’m saying is that…” Geto looked at Satoru’s face. It shouldn't be me telling him, and he will not understand it now anyway, because he does not want to believe it. He sighed. “Never mind.”

Geto walked, book in hand, to Satoru, who was sitting down at his desk, and gave him a light tap on the head with the book. “You’ll understand it someday.”

And then he left the room.

“Understand what?” Satoru rubbed his head and got up to catch up with Geto. “Suguru, wait! Understand what?”

***

Now, having you so close, your [eye color] eyes fixed on his, the same eyes he would always look for first in any room, it was clear as day.

Every time he sought you first, every laugh, every touch; how he always needed to know you were okay, how he felt wary towards anyone getting too comfortable around you, how badly he wanted you to remain by his side... It all had hit him like a bullet.

“Satoru, have you ever liked someone?”

Just you, he thought. Of course, there was never a clear line with you. He just had loved you; he could not remember a time when he did not, and he could not think of anyone else he could love that way.

Even if you told him that Ikeda had returned to stay or that your feelings had changed, he was not sure he could restrain himself any longer. No, he would not, not without putting all the cards on the table first.

He placed his hands on your shoulders and leaned in closer. “[name], do you still…?”

His hands on you were firm, but not enough to hurt, and he was fully in your personal space now. It startled you, and you did not really focus on his words.

“Gojo! There you are. I….” The door had opened suddenly revealing a frantic Ijichi.

Ijichi had been looking for Gojo because the higher-ups wanted to see him. He had called, but Satoru had not picked up, so he had searched everywhere in the school under the impression he was there. In any case, he was not expecting to find the view in front of him: his senior grabbing you, his face a couple inches away from yours, and his eyes burning bright blue now directed at him, while you rigidly turned your head to look at him too.

“My apologies!” Ijichi closed the door rather loudly.

What had he just witnessed? He knew you were close, maybe too close. Was it a fight? Even if Gojo had been challenging you, would he really go for a physical fight with you? He thought you were friends, but the way he was grabbing you, like keeping you in place…

Or maybe a lovers’ quarrel? Could it be that the nature of your relationship went beyond friendship? None of you had partners of your own as far as he was concerned, and you spent a lot of time together. Would that not make more sense?

Perhaps Ijichi was jumping to the worst conclusions too fast, and there was the possibility of it not being a fight of any sort. What if he had interrupted a more intimate moment? Was Gojo going to flick his forehead for this?

Satoru sighed when Ijichi closed the door. He had been about to ask if you still liked him.

And then what? What if they say no?, he questioned himself.

You looked back at him. “Did you see his face?” you almost whispered, before letting out your laughter. Ijichi had looked as if he had caught you doing something indecent, and while you should probably be worried about how compromising your position and Satoru’s had appeared, Ijichi’s expression had been too funny not to laugh.

Gojo laughed too, watching closely how your lips curved. Another thought popped up in his head: would you be horrified if he kissed you?

He should probably tell you how he felt first. His hands were on your upper arms now, but he was not sure he could confess knowing Ijichi was right outside.

He straightened up. “So…”

“Are we okay now?” You offered him his blindfold back.

He took it. “We are.”

And while Satoru did feel lighter, his feelings were aching in his chest.

----------------------

Note: The end is approaching, but of course I wouldn't let them kiss just now. ^^

Thank you for reading!

Next: Part XI

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[vegaseatsass]

My Stand-In Episode 10

Just a few scattered notes of things I have on my mind.

I have been very very very obsessed with the moment where Joe breaks up with Ming after Ming's mom went in on them. See, originally I took Joe at his word: He's tired. He's tired of the constant melodrama, the neverending battle just to exist. Ming and his family already killed Joe once, he just wants some quiet contentment and to not feel like he's fighting for his life every time he holds his boyfriend's hand. Honestly, I really loved that, that their breakup this episode wasn't a contrived fight full of blame and accusation, but was simply Joe realizing he's too exhausted and walking away.

But then it hit me like a load of bricks, that no, actually. Joe didn't end things in that moment because he wants peace and quiet. He left before Ming could hurt him again. He left because he didn't believe Ming would stand up to his mother or his family - or more like, he didn't want to let himself start hoping he could, and get disappointed. Since the funeral, Ming has been giving Joe everything he ever wanted Ming to give him and more (I mean if you don't count "respecting his boundaries" as something Joe wants but 1. Ming is kiiiinda starting to get there by the end of this ep lmao? 2. I'm talking about everything Joe wants to feel from Ming on a visceral level, more than what would make his relationship safe and sane). Ming has been telling Joe over and over again that he loves him, showing Joe over and over that he chooses him, showing Joe at every turn that Tong is nothing to him. No matter how much Joe or Ing push Ming or test Ming, Ming just keeps coming back and reaffirming his commitment to Joe, adapting to who Joe is now and offering him anything and everything he can give, sincerely, determinedly vowing to put him first. Joe has been trying so hard not to let himself want it or believe in it, but by the time they're in that meeting room with Ming's mom, he is back in honeymoon mode with Ming, truly starting to believe he gets to have the kind of relationship (two-sided. equal. where Joe is taken care of and spoiled and chased, not just the caretaker and spoiler and chaser) it used to feel too greedy to dare hope for.

And then Ming's mom reminds him of how easy (Joe thinks) it will be for Ming to pull the rug out from under him again, and send it all crashing down. Just like in his first life in honeymoon mode, when he realized Ming was here for Tong and not him, that this relationship that was making him feel so whole and safe was all a lie.

Like with something as big as breaking with a family that will never accept his sexuality, Joe has no instinct to "test" Ming or give him an ultimatum. I don't actually think it's with real disappointment in Ming himself that Joe gives up on Ming choosing him before Ming even gets the chance to try. I think Joe is probably completely sympathetic to the choice he expects Ming to make, and intellectually, doesn't begrudge it of him, the way he would (or should) begrudge so many of the actual terrible things Ming has done to him. But it still hurts so much to have reality force its way into their bubble, and remind Joe that even Ming trying his absolute hardest can't protect Joe from feeling that crushing loss again. So he takes himself away from the situation before it has the opportunity to hurt him again.

Idk if I'm getting at why I'm so obsessed with this, but there's just something to me about how happy Joe must have been feeling at Ming's side, to need to proactively remove himself from the situation to avoid getting his heart shattered like those mugs. Like "I'm tired" means "I can't do these high-lows anymore. I can't feel this good and have it taken away again." This is exactly why he's been trying so so so hard to freeze his heart around Ming: So he's not vulnerable to the particular kind of hurt he never recovered from in his first life.

And I just find it very moving that the source of that hurt this time isn't Ming making disastrous choices. It's something neither Ming nor Joe has control over. And Joe knows that! But it still hurts too much to hope and want things.

Meanwhile, Ming is like: Hope and want whatever you want, beloved. I am now Mr. Makes Shit Happen. I can do anything as long as you're alive in this world.

Which is another thing I've been thinking a lot about. Sol and Ming both trying to make themselves into these superperson supershields so things will be Different This Time, and smacking up against some natural end limits to their abilities. For Sol, no matter how hard he turns himself upside down trying to make himself into someone Joe can pick instead of Ming, the attraction will never be there, and Ming always WILL be there, reminding Joe of his feelings for him. For Ming, the limit on his absolutely determined devotion to Joe is his family. And Sol and Ming, both trying so hard to be bigger and more than they are, when they come face to face with their limit still refuse to back down. No matter how laughably futile it is.

To me, Ming standing there looking all tiny at the bottom of the stairs with his dad looming at the top is the equivalent of how manically out of his element trying to do the impossible Sol was in episode 9. But just like Sol, Ming can't stop now. No matter what happens in episode 11, Ming has to try to fight this impossible fight. Neither of them is willing to leave anything on the table after losing Joe once before.

Idk I wonder if they will have to work together before the end hahaha... we'll see.

I had more thoughts but this is once again a monster post so I will end by simply reiterating how amazing and hilarious I think it is that Tong tried to get Ming to pay him HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF BAHT for the privilege of removing the only source of happiness from his life. Like come to the meeting room, Ming! Let's make a deal where you go back to being depressed and alone, and give me all the money I want! Surely this will work out in a way where we can both walk out satisfied! The lion the witch and the audacity of this bitch <3 <3 <3 <3